My head and tummy are the least of my concerns now

The last thing a dancer wants to hear or feel is "pop".

Last night I was rehearsing one of the pieces I'm in for the concert. Determined to get my leg high and straight, that's the exact sensation I felt at the top of my kick. My immediate thought: "oh shit."

Oh shit is right. The pop was followed by a burning sensation that traveled down my leg. I pulled my hamstring.

The next 24 hours leading up until now have been filled with lots of tears, ibuprofen, ice packs and consults with physical therapists. I'm not sure yet what's going to happen for the shows on Friday and Saturday, but at this point, I can only bend my knee far enough to lift my foot about 8 inches off the ground. That doesn't bode well for high extension kicks and splits.

The thought of not performing this weekend kills me. It's the first concert where I made it into more than one or two pieces, and some of them are fierce. Not only that, but it's my Student Concert, I'm co-directing!! And then I feel guilty for my friends and family who are paying for tickets to see me, but might not get to see me. UGH.

I could push through it. I could make it through Friday and Saturday and then take weeks off afterwards to heal and rehab... but that's risky with a hamstring. One of the PT's I talked to today told me that hamstring pulls that aren't healed properly and sufficiently are highly prone to reinjury, and reinjuries are worse than the initial injury. Which then sets you up for chronic problems... which is something to seriously consider when thinking of my career in the big picture. And my pull isn't in the belly of the muscle... it's high at it's insertion point, in my bum region. Meaning I can't wrap it and meaning the pull (tear?? I don't really know without an MRI) is in the tendon, not just the muscle. If you're not familiar with anatomical stuff, just trust me that that isn't good. I could push through. But at what cost???

I know in my heart the right thing to do... I know there will be more dance concerts and performances and that this isn't the end of my career. But when you get attached to something, it is so hard letting go...

xoxo
J

Tummy aches and headaches

Spring Break ended and crap hit the fan the first day back at school last week. The Student Dance Concert opens this weekend, and guess who is a student director? Moi. My partner in directing crime, S, and I have been scrambling since last week to get this show on the road...

We suddenly had showings for the technical crew, press releases to send out, choreographer's to track down for program information and copies of their music, grueling 14-hours of rehearsal over the weekend, photos to take, master cd's to put together for the sound crew, reporters to contact, posters to create and print, technical rehearsals... and the list continues... choreographers are asking us for anything and everything... "Can you cut my music for me?" Um, seriously?? That's not my job!

I'm exhausted on every level. I'm a newbie director and most of the logistics I've had to figure out as I go, which I hate. I'm an easily stressed person to begin with, so disorganization and chaos do not do good things to me... I've had an ongoing headache since last week, my stomach is not functioning normally at all, and of course an angry little cold sore popped out on my lip last week. Pretty. I'm staying afloat purely by the support of my amazing co-director S, my BF (who keeps telling me that this is going to be the most successful Student Dance Concert of all time - thanks babe!), and the dancers who keep telling S and I that we're doing great.

Despite feeling like I've been hit by a truck multiple times, things are coming together and the show is solid. I am very excited for the concert itself - there are so many great pieces, including a sassy, sexy jazz number which I get to dance in. And a Michael Jackson tribute. I choreographed a piece, of course, and I'm quite pleased with it.

I woke up this morning convinced it was Friday. And the night before I had a dream that I went on stage without a top on, but didn't notice until a friend pointed it out to me when I came offstage. Um, this concert is not that kind of show. A bit of anxiety, perhaps??

Yes, it will all come together and everything will work out in the end - it always does - but I will be very happy when Sunday rolls around. Not that I don't have many more things on my plate after the show is over, but I'm very ready for my body to get back to normal...

xoxo
J

Wait, I have nothing to do?? Unheard of!

Wow, I have no plans this weekend, minus the usual Sunday lineup of dance rehearsals - this rarely happens!

I was supposed to be heading up to the mountains tonight to shoot a friends' movie throughout the weekend. But the recent spring snowstorm put a damper on that and forced us to cancel and reschedule. That's the way it goes in Colorado, the land of schizo weather. And now I have more time to polish my Civil War nurse acting skills... :)

So now what?? Without a schedule or agenda, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself... maybe the BF will feel up to going to the movies? I've been waiting to see Alice in Wonderland... and one of my fave Hollywood hotties, Gerard Butler, shows up on the big screen with Jennifer Aniston (a hottie in her own right) in The Bounty Hunter.

(I wouldn't mind being in her shoes...)

Other than movies, there might be some sleeping in, some magazine perusing... the lazy possibilities are endless! 'Cause come Monday, Spring Break is over and it's back to our regularly scheduled program...

Happy weekend, everyone!

xoxo
J

Springtime

T-minus 2 days until it is officially Spring!! The weather here has been fabulous this week, very springy... but in typical Colorado fashion, another snowstorm is on it's way tonight and tomorrow. But it's okay! I can handle it! I'm not going to freak out with an I-hate-winter temper tantrum, lol! The snow is more tolerable in the spring... it doesn't stick around as long, we get a few warm days here and there that start breaking up the monotony of snow and cold.

This week is Spring Break. I've spent my time working and taking care of the BF, who had knee surgery last Thursday. He tore his ACL, among other things, playing soccer last summer, and finally got it all fixed up. He is doing great and recovering well, but was stuck in bed most of the week, so I assumed the role of domestic goddess for him... cooking, laundry, "nursing" (which really just meant changing his ice packs, popping in movies and reminding him to take his pain drugs... said drugs made him a bit loopy). He's up and slowly walking around now... and very determined to recover as soon as possible! He was such a good patient... and recovered much better from surgery than I did when I had wrist surgery a couple years ago (soccer breaks you). Anesthesia + Jessi = post-surgery puking. Fun times.

No dancing this week, but I've been doing my Tae Bo videos to keep moving. Billy Blanks is my hero, I swear. I'm starting to get antsy to get back to classes and rehearsals, though. Operation "Get My Chicago Legs Back" must be resumed - shorts/skirts/bikini weather is coming! [For those who weren't with me last summer, I attended a dance intensive last July in Chicago with Deeply Rooted Dance Productions, and while the overall experience went much deeper than how my body looked, I was rather pleased with the appearance of my legs after those four weeks...]

With the spring thaw comes a simultaneous creativity thaw for me... ideas and projects have resurfaced (remember this post?), new inspirations and ideas are forming... in general I'm starting to feel The Buzz stirring inside me... and it feels so good after a long, cold winter of nothing. There are things to do, business to take care of, places to see, adventures to be had...!!

Game on, Spring. Game on!!

xoxo
J

I'm aliiiiiive!!

Well, I survived the February Funk and am happily scootin' right along into March... thank you all so much for your concerned comments and emails checking in on me!!


I wanted to blog all last week, mostly about how the sunshiny, springy weather was making me all crazy-in-love, but alas, work and school kept me from Blogland. And this time work and school really are the reasons for my lack of blogging, not a depressed funk, lol!

Dance news to come... in the meantime, hope you're all doing fab!!

xoxo J