Behind in life

I take 2 steps forward and 5 back...

I am so behind in so many areas of life, ugh. I'm behind with rent and bills. I'm behind in pursuing my dream career (starting dance at 27 with no previous technical dance training is not easy, yo). I'm behind in building my Avon business... so many great ideas to get that rockin', so little time to execute them... I'm waaaaay behind in studying for my ACE Group Fitness certification exam. I feel behind in the love/relationship department. I most definitely do not get enough sleep. And I'm obviously hella behind in making an appearance here on zee blog. [*sigh*]

Oh life.

Mama's tired.

But of course I keep pressing on, because that's what I do. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, somewhere up ahead. I focus on small things that bring me joy, to keep trucking along...

Like daylight savings time! All the whiners are really grating my nerves... "I'm tired, I lost an hour of sleep, it's dark when I get up in the mornings"... dude, it's LIGHT OUT past 6pm, which is glorious... spring is fast approaching, which means the sheer happiness that is summer is not too far behind... the weather is warming up... you don't have to don your winter coat atop 5 layers to attempt to stay warm... no scraping ice off the windows of your car in the mornings... the birds are chirping and it smells like spring - ya know, that earthy, grassy smell?? mmmm.... please stop complaining. You have zero sympathy from me.

My chubby, happy, adorable, precious nephew. The last time I posted pics of him, it was the day of his birth. Here are a couple recent snapshots...

Lucky kid, he gets to do this a lot

Um, yeah. My nephew is the cutest baby on the planet. My apologies to the other babies of the world. And please note the AC/DC onesie. Kid's stylin'.

And speaking of behind on sleep, it is past midnight and I do have to wake up at 6:30, so I should probably think about getting ready for bed... Auntie Jessi is going to make like Forrester and pass out... Nighty nite loves!

xoxo
J

Sabali

Sabali. Patience.

Patience is the toughest virtue for me to master. When I want something, really want something... I'm not talking about the instant gratification types of coveting, like wanting a Chipotle burrito for lunch or wishing all the traffic lights would be green as I hustle across town to my next obligation... waiting patiently for it is so. damn. hard. Especially if I feel it's something I'm meant to do or be. I feel it physically, like my soul is being squeezed... at times I have crumbled to the floor in tears yearning for things that have yet to enter my life (which sounds so pathetic now that I'm actually writing that out loud, ugh), things I want so badly to be my life.

Then, just as I am on the brink of yet another tearful breakdown, someone or something crosses my path, reminding me to look at my feet. Be present in the moment where I am standing right now. For where you are right now prepares you for where you want to go. And where I am standing right now is exactly where I am supposed to be... right now.

I have big dreams that I'm working to make reality and there are big changes coming over the horizon... I'm both excited and scared (which further excites me!), but I often have to remind myself to breathe and not to get so caught up in dreaming and hoping for what's ahead that I'm neglecting what I can work on now to prepare me for when those dreams and changes arrive at my feet.

I recently created a playlist on my iPod entitled "Sabali". Naturally it's getting a bunch of play time right now. One of the songs on constant replay inspired the title of this post. It's not an actual video, but it's one to just listen to anyhow...

xoxo
J

Grumpy to be grumpy

Twas a rough week. I won't go into details, but my heart was definitely pulled through the ringer and I am tired. Oh life. The fact that we're in the middle of cold, gray, ugly winter doesn't help... I try really hard to stay positive, but who am I kidding? I really hate winter. I'm cold all the time. It's grey and ugly. All I can think about are 90-degree days, sundresses and my bike. The blues are right on my doorstep, threatening to break down the door. It's the hardest time of the year for me. Once New Years is over, I'd be more than happy to skip right to April.

I've been fighting all week to stubbornly focus on the silver linings in my life. For one thing, it's not my nature to wear grumpy pants. They're too tight and itchy. I get so much joy from just living, most of time. Also, my life is blessed beyond all kinds of ridicularity and I know this. I feel so guilty when I get the blues because I know there are people in this world that have it much, much worse than I do. I have my health, I have my family nearby, I have an amazing circle of friends, my job is steady, I don't fear for my life whenever I walk out my front door (I have friends from places in the world where said safety is non-existent), I get to do what I love, I get to have crazy adventures with said friends doing things that I love... it makes me grumpy to be so grumpy, argh!

So! The silver linings!

Seeing my dance friends. We get serious separation anxiety during breaks. The initial greetings to each other after a time apart is a bit embarrassing... for others. You'd think we were separated by years and oceans... nope, just a few weeks.

Encouraging text messages from friends.

Reading and journaling next to a fire place.

My physical therapist. She's a miracle worker.

Kicking my own booty at the gym. And the dance studio.

Temps in the 40s yesterday and today. Such a welcome break from the bitter cold.

Dance projects! Oh, the dance projects I have coming up!! Nothing centers me more than immersing myself in my art/work/calling.

Making and executing plans to overhaul some areas of my life this year. Exciting!!

That's all I can think of right now. I know there were more, but that's a good running list so far. The fact that today is Friday doesn't hurt a bit, either. Here's to the weekend and more silver linings!

xoxo

J

Nice to meet you

Welcome 2011, it's a pleasure to meet you! I have been looking forward to your arrival.

Not that I didn't enjoy 2010's company or time. We had our good times and we had our rough patches, but what relationship doesn't? It's time to wish each other well and wave good-bye as we embark down different roads.

I know we just met and barely know each other, 2011, but something tells me that you're different. I sense currents of change and transition in your energy. I sense something big... or maybe a collective of smaller things that will add up to big. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm projecting. But a flicker of spark deep down tells me otherwise. We shall see. We are only on Day 1 of this relationship, after all, and we don't want to rush into anything.

we heart it

See you tomorrow then?

xoxo
J

Goodnight moon...

Do you remember this bedtime story from childhood?


It was one of my favorites... but then again, I loved (and still love) so many books.

I was going to try to crank out a legit post tonight, but I am so so tired and instead, I must crash into bed. So...

Goodnight room
goodnight moon
.....
goodnight stars, goodnight air
goodnight noises everywhere.

We heart it

Sweet dreams!

xoxo
J

Miss you

I miss this thing called blogging. Pictures are fun, and being a visual person myself, I love it when people post pics on their blogs, but I know that for myself, my picture-posting is a bit of laziness on my part. More pictures mean less writing. Tons goes on in my life on the reg - never a dull moment, EVER - but for awhile there I just felt like it was too much work to get it down on e-paper... or that no one would find it interesting, as it was the same stuff, different day/week/month... you know? Anyone else go through this??

However, the blogging bug must have sneaked up and bit me recently when I wasn't looking, because I have been seriously jonesin' to write again lately. Maybe I was in a bit of a dry spell? Maybe I still am, and this is just a mirage in the desert, but the words are appearing on the page, so...

I also miss the heck out of all your blogs, what's going on in your lives, all your pretty pictures ;) It's weird, but while I've not met the majority of people whom I follow here in Blog Land (and probably never will), I find myself wondering what's going on with you all and the details of your lives... What?? Yes. I miss you. Again, anyone else go through this?

Okay, I'll stop waxing sentimental. But I do miss being 'round these parts! And I sure hope that the writing ideas bubbling up inside me aren't mini-mirages but a legit oasis.

We heart it

Happy last week of 2010!

xoxo
J

Birthday Bash

I almost forgot to post my birthday party pics!

My party was two Saturday's ago and my actual birthday was last week. It was a fabulous birthday, probably one of the best! Between my nephew's arrival and an amazing party, I was quite happy. It was exactly what I hoped for and more!

"Happy birthday to you..."

Make a wish!

It's not a true party without dancing!

Breakin'

Pretty girls

My Russian mafia

SO happy

xoxo
J

Babies and Birthday Parties

Helloooooooo!!

Long time no blog... but let's cut right to the chase, shall we, because I am bursting with news!

My birthday is this week and I threw a big birthday bash on Saturday night to celebrate. When I woke up Saturday morning, I started gearing up for party prep... cleaning, decorating, baking, shopping, the usual... and then my mother called me to tell me that my brother's girlfriend was in labor! I couldn't cancel my party as over 50 guests were coming, so I jumped right to business, telling my mom to call me when it was time to drive to the hospital.

About 2:30pm my mom called and it was time! I jumped into the shower and headed to the hospital. I was so excited and it was tough to drive the speed limit, ha!

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you Forrester, my perfect little nephew!

He's perfect, he's beautiful

Auntie Jessi is a little smitten!

My brother, catching some zzz's at the hospital... poor kid, he's not going to get much of this anymore ;)

Isn't he precious?! I'm so proud to be an Auntie! I keep showing everyone pictures of him on my phone :) I can't wait to babysit and play with him and spoil him...

Birthday party pics to come, so stay tuned!

xoxo

J

Student Dance Concert photos, take one

Waiting on my dance crew to post pics for me to borrow (steal) is like watching grass grow, yeesh. Don't they know my adoring bloggy fans are anxiously waiting?? Ha!

The concert went very well and the audience loved the zombie piece - as did we. Some friends who had never seen me dance got to come to the concert, which I loved. I'm not going to post all the pictures I have now, as I have a handful, and I'm hoping for better ones in the next show.

Caught gettin' down with my bad self pre-costume in the dressing room

Me and my girls... aren't they pretty?

I danced in five pieces total. In the first piece, the choreographer included pitchers filled with water as a prop, and we poured water into each other's pitchers throughout the dance. It was challenging not to spill on stage and we succeeded... mostly.

Water fountain girls with our choreographer.

The next piece involved cups... many of the choreographers were students in Choreography II, and they were required to use a prop of some kind. This dance included a live drummer onstage, and we created rhythms and beats ourselves, clapping and slapping the floor and playing a rhythmic game with the cups, which many of the girls had played as kids (I had never heard of it, but I am a bit older than them, ha!). The piece had a very tribal feel.

I'm the one rolling backwards with my leg straight up in the air.

Howl like she-wolves (I'm far left).

Tall girls rarely get lifted (we're usually the lifters), so I was stoked to be the one to get to do the splits in the air!

I am rooted like a tree...

And this dance included pillow cases....






Aaaaaaaand the piece you've all been waiting for... zombies!! A zombie wedding, to be exact. Unfortunately, I don't have many pics of this one, but here are a couple to hold you over...

The mother-of-the-bride must have big, crazy hair to complement the gold lame blouse...

The entire wedding party.

Why no action zombie shots?? Long story... but we are gearing up for the Fall Dance Concert this coming weekend, and the zombie wedding will be presented again! A photographer friend of mine will be there so hopefully zombie action shots, take two, will be a success. It darn well better be, 'cause this piece rocks my socks and I want to share it with y'all!

There was one more piece, the "naked/digital" piece (related to our costumes, explanation to accompany pics), which is my other fave along with the zombie piece, but again no action shots. It will also be in the next concert so I'm crossing my fingers that my friend gets good shots of that one, too.

Nighty nite!

xoxo
J

Dance and zombies

It's the day of the show, y'all! T-minus 3.5 hours 'til curtain and I'm buzzin' with the typical pre-show excitement!! Tonight the fall student dance concert opens. Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE what I do?!?

Also on the weekend agenda... umm, nothing much else, ha! The concert will take most of my time (I will be at the studio tomorrow from noon until about 10pm) and I've been so exhausted this week (see previous post) that all I want to do Sunday is lay around in my sweats and pass out candy to the kiddos. My costume will be Exhausted Dancer, hope it doesn't scare the kids, lol!

I have to make one last shopping trip to Walmart for the show... bandaids, fake zombie blood, spirit gum for my fake gash wound and makeup remover for said blood and spirit gum. This isn't for my Halloween costume... I get to be a zombie in the show!! Yes yes y'all, we are featuring a zombie dance, it is SO much fun! Pictures next week ;)

Happy Halloween, loves!!

xoxo
J