Today marks the beginning of the dual end-of-summer countdown. One being the last month of summer is upon us (pouty face), making up the bitter half. The other being the countdown to the start of the new school year, which is the sweet half.
School is the sweet half, you cry out?! Yes, I know... Most students mourn the return of the school year, for their lazy summer days are officially over. Yes, this is true... although, since I work full time in the summer and have a tendency to fill up my free time pretty fast, summer's "laziness" is more a state of mind than reality. But I digress...
I like school and I always have. I enjoy learning and I've always been a school-lover. As a kid I would get so excited to go school shopping with my mom and brother for new supplies and clothes. I would make my brother sit with me, while I organized and re-organized my new gear, and "talk about school" - you know, friends, recess, teachers, our fave subjects. I loved the smell of new crayons and new pencils... god, it was great!
Things are a little different now, of course. I don't get to buy new outfits (hard to do living paycheck to paycheck with a college-student's budget) and the new crayons have been replaced by uber-expensive stuff like textbooks and ballet shoes. Regardless, I still get jazzed about the start of a new year. I like new beginnings and the change of seasons. It doesn't hurt that I love what I'm studying in school!
BUT, I still have a few summer things to do before I'm ready to trade my bikini for a leotard... I need to get to the pool a few more times. I need to hit the trails on my bike. I have more hiking to do. And camping, I still need to go camping! In just over a week, JBF and I will be leaving for our roadtrip vacation - Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, the Sand Dunes, the hot springs in Ouray - so plenty of hiking and camping will be had during our trip, thank god. I'm even going to try to squeeze in a 14er hike of Long's Peak.
So, once you're done reading this, get out there and play!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
80's dancing is totally rad
My chums are pretty familiar with the 80's, "Molly Ringwald" dance that I do... Breakfast Club is what started it all for me. Pay particular attention at 0:22-0:27 :)
God, I love this movie!
God, I love this movie!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I may jones for a New York minute...
... but when I see pictures of places like these, I can't help but think I live in the wrong part of the world.
I have fantasized for a long, long time that I will make the Mediterranean my home someday. Who knows? My family may someday receive Christmas cards postmarked from France, Italy, Greece...
Friday, July 25, 2008
I have the secret to making your dreams reality...
While driving home from the grocery store yesterday afternoon, my boyfriend (who will be known as JBF here on out, short for Jessi's BoyFriend) was telling me that he met a life coach while hiking with his friend earlier that day. I asked him to be more specific in regards to "life coach", as that can mean all sorts of things, and he told me that the life coach guy specializes in helping people find and pursue their passions. JBF thought this would interest me considering my own experience with going after my dreams. I joked that since I'm the walking example of Mr. Life Coach's work, I should go into business with him.
Mr. Life Coach: "... take my assistant Jessi, for example... at the age of 28, she decided to forego plans for nursing school, change her major to dance and begin a ballet-and-modern-dance education - with no previous technical training!" (Insert the oohs and ahhs of his future clients here.)
I then said to JBF that the advice I would give people would be short and sweet: just do it.
That sounds trite, but really, that's how its done. Planning and pondering and calculating too much about something prevents it from actually coming to fruition. I know that each of you knows exactly what I'm talking about. We all have things that we fantasize would happen, thinking "I wish" and "if only"... But when you think too much about something, you begin to hyperanalyze and then think up a thousand reasons "why it won't work". And once that happens, forget it, its not going to.
By nature I'm impulsive and impatient. This sometimes gets me into trouble, yes, and I have friends who like to remind me of this (just in case I might forget). Sure, not all my impulsive decisions were the greatest, BUT of the impulsive decisions I've made that I look back on were some of my best. And each one came from a place of what-the-hell-do-I-have-to-lose. This has applied to things small - ignoring the fact that I'm shopping for something else entirely but buy the shoes anyway - and large - such as pursuing a dance career in my late twenties.
So, I probably wouldn't make a very good life coach. Clients would expect there to be some profound, intricate secret to making their dreams come to life that will require months of searching to discover. But then I would have to burst their expectation bubbles with those three little words, and I really hate disappointing people. I would be fired and they would angrily demand refunds.
I'm sorry, but that's all there is to it. Thank you, have a nice day.
Mr. Life Coach: "... take my assistant Jessi, for example... at the age of 28, she decided to forego plans for nursing school, change her major to dance and begin a ballet-and-modern-dance education - with no previous technical training!" (Insert the oohs and ahhs of his future clients here.)
I then said to JBF that the advice I would give people would be short and sweet: just do it.
That sounds trite, but really, that's how its done. Planning and pondering and calculating too much about something prevents it from actually coming to fruition. I know that each of you knows exactly what I'm talking about. We all have things that we fantasize would happen, thinking "I wish" and "if only"... But when you think too much about something, you begin to hyperanalyze and then think up a thousand reasons "why it won't work". And once that happens, forget it, its not going to.
By nature I'm impulsive and impatient. This sometimes gets me into trouble, yes, and I have friends who like to remind me of this (just in case I might forget). Sure, not all my impulsive decisions were the greatest, BUT of the impulsive decisions I've made that I look back on were some of my best. And each one came from a place of what-the-hell-do-I-have-to-lose. This has applied to things small - ignoring the fact that I'm shopping for something else entirely but buy the shoes anyway - and large - such as pursuing a dance career in my late twenties.
So, I probably wouldn't make a very good life coach. Clients would expect there to be some profound, intricate secret to making their dreams come to life that will require months of searching to discover. But then I would have to burst their expectation bubbles with those three little words, and I really hate disappointing people. I would be fired and they would angrily demand refunds.
I'm sorry, but that's all there is to it. Thank you, have a nice day.
Monday, July 7, 2008
There is no such thing as half-empty in my world
You know, even though I'm at a slight disadvantage for starting ballet so late in life, I'm glad that I wasn't a bunhead at an early age. Really. I never had to add pressures to perform or maintain a certain physique to the already awkward preteen and teenage years. I may not have the best turnout, my feet might not point into a perfect little half-moon, nor am I the best pirouetter in the world, but I really, truly enjoy ballet.
I'm not implying that all dancers who started dancing at a young age dislike or hate ballet. But in the short time that I've been in ballet training I've occassionally come across angry, resentful ballerinas who are bitter towards ballet. Take my good friend, for instance. Recently she commented that taking class is pointless for her at this point, because she won't be doing anything with it. "What's the point?" she posed (um, maybe for the joy it brings? how dancing makes you feel empowered, happy, strong...?). She also told me she's disappointed in my choice to study dance, as there's no money it it. Um, thank you, I'm aware of that, and most dancers who are pursuing dance as a career are aware, too. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm not in this for the money.
That conversation makes me sad for her and anyone else who thinks similarly. Yes, there's a damn good guarantee that I will live paycheck-to-paycheck and that I will most likely have to work extra jobs to make ends meet, but that's how I've lived over the past 10 years and I know how to make it work. I'm not too worried about it. The conversation also makes me incredibly grateful that I didn't join the ballet world until I was 28 years old in that I'm able to be impervious to bitterness and other negative emotions that I don't want corrupting my sunshiney outlook.
This is why being 29 is a blessing in disguise. Some may consider my "advanced age" (I'm speaking in dance years, remember) a handicap as far as my future success in the dance world may go, but I think of it as being a li'l golden nugget my 18-, 19-, and 20-year-old peers aren't yet blessed with. I know what makes my heart and soul tick and this knowledge is what will bring me success because it gives me drive. I believe this is the "moxy" someone once told me I possess.
Glass-is-half-full, baby.
I'm not implying that all dancers who started dancing at a young age dislike or hate ballet. But in the short time that I've been in ballet training I've occassionally come across angry, resentful ballerinas who are bitter towards ballet. Take my good friend, for instance. Recently she commented that taking class is pointless for her at this point, because she won't be doing anything with it. "What's the point?" she posed (um, maybe for the joy it brings? how dancing makes you feel empowered, happy, strong...?). She also told me she's disappointed in my choice to study dance, as there's no money it it. Um, thank you, I'm aware of that, and most dancers who are pursuing dance as a career are aware, too. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm not in this for the money.
That conversation makes me sad for her and anyone else who thinks similarly. Yes, there's a damn good guarantee that I will live paycheck-to-paycheck and that I will most likely have to work extra jobs to make ends meet, but that's how I've lived over the past 10 years and I know how to make it work. I'm not too worried about it. The conversation also makes me incredibly grateful that I didn't join the ballet world until I was 28 years old in that I'm able to be impervious to bitterness and other negative emotions that I don't want corrupting my sunshiney outlook.
This is why being 29 is a blessing in disguise. Some may consider my "advanced age" (I'm speaking in dance years, remember) a handicap as far as my future success in the dance world may go, but I think of it as being a li'l golden nugget my 18-, 19-, and 20-year-old peers aren't yet blessed with. I know what makes my heart and soul tick and this knowledge is what will bring me success because it gives me drive. I believe this is the "moxy" someone once told me I possess.
Glass-is-half-full, baby.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
A little reality check never hurts
Class last night was great... it felt so good to be back. I'm definitely sore today, no surprise there, and I'm sure it will continue to get worse as the day goes on thanks to a little thing called "delayed onset muscle soreness" (or DOMS, for the fitness gurus out there). Class was definitely a little reality check as far as the importance of regular training... I've definitely lost some strength, flexibility and balance over the last six weeks. Again, no surprise, but physically being in class hit it home for me. I'm very glad I'm able to take class these three weeks... going back in the fall without any training would be bad.
Being back in class and starting a home conditioning program will help me get back in dance shape. Oh, and no more ice cream, except for special occasions... Ben & Jerry's has become more habit than a special treat lately, and that's gotta change. Rolls in the leotard are not okay.
Being back in class and starting a home conditioning program will help me get back in dance shape. Oh, and no more ice cream, except for special occasions... Ben & Jerry's has become more habit than a special treat lately, and that's gotta change. Rolls in the leotard are not okay.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Back to ballet!
I get to go to ballet tonight! I'm so glad... and nervous, of course. Logically I know it's a beginning adult class, so it's not like I'll be in class with principal dancers, but because I haven't done ballet for over a month and I feel all out of practice, I'm nervous. Sore muscles, here I come... :)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
A few words on this season's SYTYCD...
I was watching last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance - yes, I watch and love that show - and there are three couples that keep blowing me away...
"Twitchington" (Twitch and Kherington) makes me laugh out loud. Mark and Chelsie's routine brought tears to my eyes (really!). And I'm just enamored with Joshua and Katee... well, maybe more Joshua than Katee :) but they are a great partnership. As for individual dancers, Will just rocks my socks. There aren't really words to describe what an amazing, phenomenal, talented, beautiful dancer he is... okay, so there are a few words, but I digress...
The quality that make Twitchington, Mark/Chelsie, and Joshua/Katee stand above the rest is they are true entertainers. The other dancers and couples are very good, yes. Very, very good. They wouldn't be on the show if they weren't, and I'm not holding on to any delusions that I'm better than any of them (because I'm not)... BUT, these three couples kick some serious ass because they dance very well and they entertain while they're dancing. They aren't just going through the assigned choreography. Their expression begins in their faces and moves all through their bodies until it reaches into their toes. They just have that entertaining quality, you know?They have it. (You other dancers and performers know exactly what I'm talking about.)
I hope, hope, hope that one of these three couples, plus Will, makes it to the final rounds. It would be a travesty if they don't. I'm wrapped up enough in these dancers after three short weeks that if one of them is cut tonight in the results show, I just might get choked up. Roll your eyes, that's fine - I proudly admit my addiction to this show. There are very few television shows that have this affect on me, especially the more mainstream, pop shows, so I'm allowed to indulge. (I believe SYTYCD is one of the better reality shows in that it is more realistic than, say, coming to live in some huge mansion with 19 other girls while you all compete for some desperate rich-boy's "true" love and affection... please.)
Dance should serve two purposes: to bring joy and to entertain. [Sidenote: Nothing irks me more than some avant-garde kind of "dance" such as butoh (Google it) claiming to be part of the dance world. Yes, I will offend some by saying that but I'm not here to make everyone happy and sugar coat everything I write.] The joy of dance should be for both the dancer and the audience, and with joy comes entertainment. A dancer who feels pure joy can't help but entertain whomever may be watching. It's kind of a cause-and-effect thing, a law of nature. The three couples that I'm rooting for put this law into practice every Wednesday night... so far, anyway. I have a feeling they'll stick around in the coming weeks!
"Twitchington" (Twitch and Kherington) makes me laugh out loud. Mark and Chelsie's routine brought tears to my eyes (really!). And I'm just enamored with Joshua and Katee... well, maybe more Joshua than Katee :) but they are a great partnership. As for individual dancers, Will just rocks my socks. There aren't really words to describe what an amazing, phenomenal, talented, beautiful dancer he is... okay, so there are a few words, but I digress...
The quality that make Twitchington, Mark/Chelsie, and Joshua/Katee stand above the rest is they are true entertainers. The other dancers and couples are very good, yes. Very, very good. They wouldn't be on the show if they weren't, and I'm not holding on to any delusions that I'm better than any of them (because I'm not)... BUT, these three couples kick some serious ass because they dance very well and they entertain while they're dancing. They aren't just going through the assigned choreography. Their expression begins in their faces and moves all through their bodies until it reaches into their toes. They just have that entertaining quality, you know?They have it. (You other dancers and performers know exactly what I'm talking about.)
I hope, hope, hope that one of these three couples, plus Will, makes it to the final rounds. It would be a travesty if they don't. I'm wrapped up enough in these dancers after three short weeks that if one of them is cut tonight in the results show, I just might get choked up. Roll your eyes, that's fine - I proudly admit my addiction to this show. There are very few television shows that have this affect on me, especially the more mainstream, pop shows, so I'm allowed to indulge. (I believe SYTYCD is one of the better reality shows in that it is more realistic than, say, coming to live in some huge mansion with 19 other girls while you all compete for some desperate rich-boy's "true" love and affection... please.)
Dance should serve two purposes: to bring joy and to entertain. [Sidenote: Nothing irks me more than some avant-garde kind of "dance" such as butoh (Google it) claiming to be part of the dance world. Yes, I will offend some by saying that but I'm not here to make everyone happy and sugar coat everything I write.] The joy of dance should be for both the dancer and the audience, and with joy comes entertainment. A dancer who feels pure joy can't help but entertain whomever may be watching. It's kind of a cause-and-effect thing, a law of nature. The three couples that I'm rooting for put this law into practice every Wednesday night... so far, anyway. I have a feeling they'll stick around in the coming weeks!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
"Patiently" waiting, because I have no choice
I am not a patient gal by any stretch of the imagination. It's a virtue that's eluded me since I was conceived. But thanks to my employer's fiscal-year-end-check-withholding business that happens to us student hourly employees every June, I've been getting a lesson in patience this summer.
On the last day of the spring semester, I turned in my ballet written exam to my instructor (yes, we have written exams) and she strongly suggested I take ballet this summer. This was already on my summer agenda, but hearing it from my ballet teacher hit it home that I need as much practice as I can get if I'm going to succeed in the program. I was going to march myself to the local ballet studio and buy myself a punch card and get right to it, just as soon as I got my economic stimulus check from Uncle Sam & Co. and started working full time hours.
Wellllll, as usual, things didn't go quite as planned financially... Uncle Sam's check was less than hoped for because I didn't work enough last year to pay enough taxes (sigh). I couldn't start working full time hours until several weeks later. The money I did have went to other things like groceries, rent, etc. The basics, ya know. Blah blah blah... As far as money went, ballet classes were and are a frivolity.
How infuriating because, ironically, they're not entirely a frivolity. Compared to groceries and rent, yes. Considering they're to prepare me for my future career, no. It's all in the perspective. But every day that passes that I don't take a class just kills me. I just imagine all the technique and strength I built up over the last year is wasting away. Sure, I'm swing dancing, running, biking, hiking, etc., so I know I'm not out of shape generally speaking. But I'm out of dance shape and it bugs the hell out of me. Time is of the essence, since the studio's summer session is only 6 weeks long. This week will be the third week I'm missing.
This patience lesson hasn't been easy for me... but since my circumstances have lended no other choice, I have to just ride it out. I should, hopefully, with all fingers crossed and many prayers uttered, get that punch card next Monday and get myself back into those pink tights. I'll make the most out of the three weeks remaining. I keep telling myself that just because I'm catching the last half of the session doesn't mean all is lost. It's better than doing nothing at all. I'll also see what I can do about finding another studio in town that might offer classes later into the summer.
On the last day of the spring semester, I turned in my ballet written exam to my instructor (yes, we have written exams) and she strongly suggested I take ballet this summer. This was already on my summer agenda, but hearing it from my ballet teacher hit it home that I need as much practice as I can get if I'm going to succeed in the program. I was going to march myself to the local ballet studio and buy myself a punch card and get right to it, just as soon as I got my economic stimulus check from Uncle Sam & Co. and started working full time hours.
Wellllll, as usual, things didn't go quite as planned financially... Uncle Sam's check was less than hoped for because I didn't work enough last year to pay enough taxes (sigh). I couldn't start working full time hours until several weeks later. The money I did have went to other things like groceries, rent, etc. The basics, ya know. Blah blah blah... As far as money went, ballet classes were and are a frivolity.
How infuriating because, ironically, they're not entirely a frivolity. Compared to groceries and rent, yes. Considering they're to prepare me for my future career, no. It's all in the perspective. But every day that passes that I don't take a class just kills me. I just imagine all the technique and strength I built up over the last year is wasting away. Sure, I'm swing dancing, running, biking, hiking, etc., so I know I'm not out of shape generally speaking. But I'm out of dance shape and it bugs the hell out of me. Time is of the essence, since the studio's summer session is only 6 weeks long. This week will be the third week I'm missing.
This patience lesson hasn't been easy for me... but since my circumstances have lended no other choice, I have to just ride it out. I should, hopefully, with all fingers crossed and many prayers uttered, get that punch card next Monday and get myself back into those pink tights. I'll make the most out of the three weeks remaining. I keep telling myself that just because I'm catching the last half of the session doesn't mean all is lost. It's better than doing nothing at all. I'll also see what I can do about finding another studio in town that might offer classes later into the summer.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
A very necessary evil
Money may be evil, but it sure is necessary to get somewhere in life...
I have no idea how I'm going to pay for school next year and I'm a wee bit concerned. Student loans are no longer an option since I used student loans for my first bachelor's. Since this is my second, the government tells me I'm done. No more loans for you, missy. Scholarships are not working out so well, either. So I'm a little stuck and a little freaked out about it.
The thought of potentially not going back in the fall because I can't pay for it really upsets me. I know this happens and some people take time off to work and save money, going back when they've saved enough. This isn't really an option with dance. Taking a semester off would be detrimental to my training and progress. And it would just be plain stupid. Remember, time is a-tickin' here. I'm not exactly 18 years old anymore.
I've heard of and read stories where some wealthy, middle-aged man or woman is looking to patron the arts, and decides to do so by paying for the education and training of some young, struggling artist. I keep dreaming that this will happen to me. I just got an email from a friend whom this did just happen to! She's transferring to a small private school in Florida this fall, and she, too, was unsure how it would be paid for since funding was not coming in as she expected. Well, a long-time friend of her family's just offered to pay for her education! Seriously?! I almost cried when I read her email.
Okay, when's my miracle going to show up? Money has always been kind of a struggle for me. My family didn't have a lot growing up, and once I moved out on my own I've always lived paycheck to paycheck... but I don't consider myself a victim or anything. I'm not going to whine and bitch that "nothing good ever happens to me" and that the universe is out to get me. I'm plenty blessed with amazing friends, family, and I do have the basic needs covered - a roof over my head, food to eat, etc. But I guess I'm asking for a tad bit more from the universe.
I can't quit. Everything I worked for and fought for last school year would all be a waste if I did. I want this so badly. I truly believe in my heart that this is my calling in life. Do I expect to be a principle dancer in some professional ballet company someday? Of course not. Do I think I'm going to make mucho dinero as a dancer? Please. Do I know that I have to bust my butt every single day, physically and emotionally? Absolutely. Do I still want it, despite all this? Hell yes.
Quitting is not an option. Game on, money!
I have no idea how I'm going to pay for school next year and I'm a wee bit concerned. Student loans are no longer an option since I used student loans for my first bachelor's. Since this is my second, the government tells me I'm done. No more loans for you, missy. Scholarships are not working out so well, either. So I'm a little stuck and a little freaked out about it.
The thought of potentially not going back in the fall because I can't pay for it really upsets me. I know this happens and some people take time off to work and save money, going back when they've saved enough. This isn't really an option with dance. Taking a semester off would be detrimental to my training and progress. And it would just be plain stupid. Remember, time is a-tickin' here. I'm not exactly 18 years old anymore.
I've heard of and read stories where some wealthy, middle-aged man or woman is looking to patron the arts, and decides to do so by paying for the education and training of some young, struggling artist. I keep dreaming that this will happen to me. I just got an email from a friend whom this did just happen to! She's transferring to a small private school in Florida this fall, and she, too, was unsure how it would be paid for since funding was not coming in as she expected. Well, a long-time friend of her family's just offered to pay for her education! Seriously?! I almost cried when I read her email.
Okay, when's my miracle going to show up? Money has always been kind of a struggle for me. My family didn't have a lot growing up, and once I moved out on my own I've always lived paycheck to paycheck... but I don't consider myself a victim or anything. I'm not going to whine and bitch that "nothing good ever happens to me" and that the universe is out to get me. I'm plenty blessed with amazing friends, family, and I do have the basic needs covered - a roof over my head, food to eat, etc. But I guess I'm asking for a tad bit more from the universe.
I can't quit. Everything I worked for and fought for last school year would all be a waste if I did. I want this so badly. I truly believe in my heart that this is my calling in life. Do I expect to be a principle dancer in some professional ballet company someday? Of course not. Do I think I'm going to make mucho dinero as a dancer? Please. Do I know that I have to bust my butt every single day, physically and emotionally? Absolutely. Do I still want it, despite all this? Hell yes.
Quitting is not an option. Game on, money!
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