To thine own self be true

Last week I found myself stuck. Frustration and impatience were at their peak. I was tired of being at the mercy of the bus' timetable, tired from the lack of structure or schedule to my days, tired of not having a job, tired of my people being so far away, tired of not dancing, tired of being in pain (my RA is flaring), tired of obsessing about the technical details of my blogs, tired of writer's block, tired of feeling disconnected from this new city I call "home". Just tired. Schmeh.

And then the light bulb went off.

While I do have to consciously exercise patience for all of the above on a daily and sometimes minute-to-minute basis (oh to be a naturally patient soul), remembering that everything is a process {impatiently rolls eyes}, none of the above were the true cause of my frustration.

The culprit? Me. I've been trying to be someone else. That sounds so silly, but it's true. I've been trying to be who I think I should be to succeed in this or that, or to make so-and-so happy or like me. But guess what? It's not working. And I'm unhappy and crabby and so bored.

Having a car, a job, multitudes of friends, the best blogs in the land, perfect health and a jam-packed dance schedule, while nice and admirable things to work toward, are not going to make me genuinely happy. Being ME will.

Duh, right?

So. As I continue this journey of landing a job, improving my blogs, finding my people, building a community and getting inside a dance studio, I need to remember who I am. Remember what it is that ignites my soul. And if I attempt something that feels unauthentic, I need to walk away. Just say no thanks with grace and move on.

xoxo

J