My happy place

The wind is howling outside. If it were summer, I'd be worried there was a tornado on it's way! Today was so cold and it was so gray this morning, it just broke my heart... so it begins, *le sigh*. Several months of cold, bleary, dreary, gray yuck.

Okay, I'm leaning a bit to the dramatic side... this is Colorado, which means Thanksgiving could be in the 60s - heck, even Christmas could have freakishly warm weather like that! - and the sun prevails the majority of the time, even when the temps are in the single digits. I'm very tired, so my drama meter is running high. Bear with me.

I was at the studio tonight, of course, but instead of regular rehearsal, we were running tech rehearsals in preparation for the latest dance concert, which will take place at the end of this week. Choreographers have been calling extra rehearsals as show time draws near, per the norm, which means I'm packing even more into my already tight schedule. I'm exhausted. I'm incredibly sore. I'm bruised and banged up. My feet have floor burns and bleed if I don't keep them bandaged (gross, but the life of a dancer... we do not have pretty feet). But I am happy.

I dread the cloud that settles upon me during winter, growing a bit darker each day until spring reappears, but I realized something tonight. Dance helps me fight that dark cloud. When I'm inside my little dance universe, I'm transported to a happy place. The cold, blustery, gray yuck outside can't touch me. I walk through the doors, inhale and exhale my first few dance breaths and it's game on. All the yuck outside fades and is forgotten.

Despite my stress, exhaustion and pain I was reminded today of my happy place. And I am grateful.

Bisous, bisous!

J

F-i-n-a-l-l-y

Good grief, Friday, what took you so long!?

I hate hate hate weeks where I wake up everyday thinking it's farther into the week than it really is. Makes me crazy!

I have no epic plans for this weekend. I'm simply happy that it's the weekend.

Oh, I'll do things...

Like sleeeeeeep!

Take my sweet time getting out of my sweats and into real clothes, then eventually venturing out to shop a little for some real clothes.

My shopping bags will say "Ross" on them, but a girl can dream...

Continue watching the Firefly series (I love the movie Serenity and finally started watching the series the movie was based on, per many friends' suggestions), and hopefully catch up on Grey's and Gossip Girl episodes online... as usual, dance rehearsals cut into my TV shows. The nerve!

Maybe go to the gym for some cardio kickboxing goodness, but sleep might trump this plan since the class is on Saturday morning...

Read. Write.

Cook something scrumptious. My meals are quite basic during the week (I'm talking sandwiches, canned soup and eggs cooked in various ways) due to one tightly-crunched schedule, so I like to get crazy in the kitchen on the weekends. I've been craving squash and cinnamon and cardamom and wine, so we'll see what ends up on the table...LOL... so me during the week

(Both images from We Hear It)

A string of rehearsals on Sunday. Which means I won't get out of my sweats on Sunday.

Any epic plans for your weekend?

Happy weekend, my lovelies!

xoxo J

News Brief - the grumpies, the 'Bucks, aerobics and blonde hair

The latest Jessi News Brief...

I miss Blog Land, but life is such right now that I just can't read, comment or write as much or as often as I used to. I pop in when I can and am keeping up with you all as best I can... I miss obsessively checking in everyday, but such is life right now.

Dance is going alright, but I still want more. Last night I was watching choreography created by my school peers, and I got really emotional. It was a rush of knowing that I am exactly where I belong in life, that the dance studio/stage is home, mixed with sadness that I can't do it to the extent or capacity that I desire. I know I need more... I haven't taken ballet in a couple months now and I can see and feel the absence of ballet conditioning. I'm still jonesin' to find myself a jazz class to start building that vocabulary, but I just can't take on more right now. My schedule shifts come November, so we'll see... I get so frustrated with myself because I want to have a better attitude, to be grateful with what I do have, grateful that I get to dance, but I'm struggling to shake the grumpies that are lingering like a bad cold.

Like dance, I want to do more with my Avon business than I am or can right now. When I started my business I fantasized about jumping right in to having a huge customer base, my own home office (completely furnished, of course) and rockin' the crap out of my business so that it is my only income source... I have such an entrepreneurial spirit, desperately wanting to be my own boss, create my own schedule, all with the goal of having a flexible schedule to work around dance. See? The grumpies.

Okay, okay, I need an attitude adjustment here... I think I'm going to take a cue from the lovely Liz over at It's Unbeweavable and list things that are making me happy right now... hope she doesn't mind!

Salted beverages at the 'Bucks. Pumpkin spice, schmumkin spice... I'm all over my custom Starbucks beverage, a salted soy caramel macchiato. It's not on the menu, but they'll make it for you if you ask. I should trademark it as the Jessi Special. If you're a sweet-salty fan, try one the next time you make a Starbucks run.

Pumpkin. I may be indifferent to pumpkin spice lattes, but throw some pumpkin puree into muffins, pancakes or cake and you have my attention. I whipped up some pumpkin pancakes last weekend, topped with a variation of cream cheese frosting that I concocted, with much less sugar than frosting and runnier, so a kind of cream cheese "syrup", if you will. The roomies and I inhaled them.

Boots. I just found some flat, black Report booties for $16 last week at Ross. I've hardly been wearing anything else since.

Aerobics classes. I adore aerobics classes. Every single class I take I get nostalgic for when I was an aerobics instructor once upon a time, thinking I should re-certify (another thing on my perpetual wish list). I'm going to toot my horn here, so please forgive me... but I was good. And I think that I'd still be good. Friends tell me I should teach Zumba, and I have forever and a day wanted to teach Tae Bo or some other cardio kickboxing offshoot. Maybe I will someday pursue this. Someday.

Last, but not least... my new hair!! I give you Phase 1 of my Blonde Transformation...

Gearing up (sorry for the crappy quality, I took these with my phone)

Foiled!

Phase 1 complete!

I think I look better blonde... My hazel green eyes have just popped and I have more color in my face. I feel like I have to wear less makeup. I was a bit worried I'd look washed out, considering how fair skinned I am, but I feel the contrary happened... my complexion seems warmer. And based on the compliments I get, I don't think it's all in my head, lol! I'm planning to go even blonder, in due time :).

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

xoxo

J

Now where did I leave off...?

First off, I would to thank Tiffany over at Dancing Branflakes for shaking me from my non-posting coma with a simple little "where you at?!" comment! I've been in a blogging dry spell, mixed with thoughts like "who wants to read my ramblings anyway?", and before I realized it, saying "I'll do it tomorrow" day after day has turned into weeks later... Thanks girl!

Omigosh, where do I even begin?!

I guess just pick up where I am at the moment...

I'm still lovin' the new house (which isn't quite so new anymore), and what I love most is the wonderful people I'm meeting there! My house sitch is kinda unique... most of the people that live there are very short-term housemates. Most are veterinary students doing short-term externships at CSU (myself and one other roomie are the "permanent" residents of the house). Most people are there anywhere from 2- to 6-weeks and they come from all over, literally. There are Americans and there are international students. Since I've been here, there was guy from Spain, a gal from Georgia (the US state), a woman from Denmark, and now there is a girl from Washington, DC, and two Frenchies - everyone has been so wonderful! So far everyone has gotten along great and we have such a good time hanging out, cooking and eating together, learning about each other's cultures and lives and just plain making friends. This is so perfect for me. I have such a strong desire (obsession, really) to travel and live all over the world, learn different languages and live life outside of the American box.

My infatuation with fall grows... scarves have been a regular part of my wardrobe lately, all I want are salted caramel macchiatos from the 'Bucks and I'm getting antsy to find me some tall flat boots. The other thing I love about fall?? It's creative season. I don't know what it is, but there is definitely a strong ebb of creative energy at this time of year because I get into total create mode when fall comes knocking... it ranges from epic cooking and baking projects, to choreography, to writing, to wanting to sew and sketch and craft like its my job. Sadly, there is little time in my crammed schedule to bring any of these things to fruition, which just breaks my heart. I know, I know, it's a matter of me making the time, but so far I've not done that. But oh, the project ideas I have swimming around in my head!!

Dance. Oh dance. Dance is this this constant tug-of-war between confidence and insecurity... Earlier this month I was grappling with serious frustration and identity issues over my new schedule... specifically, not being a student, not choreographing, sitting at a desk all day and dancing for what I felt (and still feel) is a mere tidbit of my day. I need my job and am very grateful for it, but I struggle with the fact that I sit for a crap load of hours a day and only move for a few. I do have rehearsals through the week, I take class a few times a week and I'm cross-training at the gym to compensate for the lack of dance hours, but I never feel like I'm doing enough. Ever. I can feel and see the effects on my body of not dancing 4-6 hours a day and it's completely discouraging.

We Heart It

And then there are weeks like last week and this week. There has been some emotional stuff to work through but dance has helped bring me back to the moment. Concentrating on balancing on one leg while slowly extending the other into the air takes all that I have... and it reminds me that I am exactly where I should be, right now, and my spirit is refreshed. I still grapple with frustration, but as time passes it's lessening to moments rather than entire days or weeks. I'm coming to terms with how my life is right now by taking it a day at a time, or even hour by hour on some days... some days I'm fine and other days I just have to write off.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! Remember to live in the moment...

xoxo
J

Oh, hello September, didn't see you there...

Wow, September already! I'm battling the denial that my favorite season is ending... but the upside is that fall is my second favorite, so wins all around!

Fare thee well, summer, my love! I will miss your pool days, barbecues with friends, 14er climbs and camping trips, watermelon for dinner... I will miss sundresses and my bikini and sandals... I will miss the barbecue smells as I bike through neighborhoods, the sound of lawn mowers on Saturday mornings... I will miss the white-hot sun kissing my skin a rosy-gold... please write often and see you in about 8 months!


Welcome, fall! I look forward to football days, harvest parties with friends, fall hiking trips and apple butternut squash soup for dinner... I look forward to scarves and tall boots and sweaters... I can't wait for the smell of falling leaves and colder air... I look forward to cooking and baking with cinnamon, bay leaves and nutmeg... I look forward to lazy Sundays cozied up with a good book and a hot mug of chai tea... make yourself at home!

Images compliments of We Heart It

xoxo
J

I escaped the cave!

If you've been a reader for a bit, you've heard me mention my "office-cave" once or twice. And a cave it was. In the basement, cold, sterile white walls... not exactly the ideal work environment for inspiring productivity. But as of last week, the cave is no longer!

My work crew moved to our new building last week. I've been waiting for this move for awhile, knowing it would be my escape from the office-cave. And despite the glitches that come with a new building that is still under construction in parts, I'm very glad we're finally here. Very glad. Let me take you on a pictorial journey from office-cave to room-with-a-view.

Before...

... and after!

This is the view from my office. The landscaping is still in progress, but not a bad improvement from the window-less basement, eh?

Its amazing how much your environment affects your mood, productivity, focus, etc. I never thought about it much until we set up shop in the new digs... my mood at work was a total 180-degree turnaround in a matter of hours! Lesson learned to make your space yours with posters, pictures, artwork, anything to make your 8-, 9-, 12-hours more comfortable. As I continue unpacking at home, I'll figure out what to bring to work to bring a little Jessi flavor to the office!

xoxo
J

Ch-ch-ch-changes... Part 3

At last!! I made it back to Blogland alive! :)

We've been moving to a new building at work this week, so my life is in disarray both at home and now at the office, wheeeeeee! But change is good. Keeps things fresh AND my new work digs are brand new, versus the prison-like dungeon I was in before. More on that later.

And now for the third installment of the Ch-ch-ch-changes trilogy!

Change #3: New house!

I'm quite excited about my move. I've been there about two weeks now - yes, I'm still living among towers of boxes and piles of stuff - and I'm in love love love!

Location, location... I'm back to the student-centered CSU 'hood. I love the energy that CSU and Old Town bring. I'm definitely not a 'burbs girl. At all. My drive to work is now 7 minutes - booya! By bike, I'm guessing 15 minutes, but I haven't biked it yet. I don't know, I just feel like I'm back home. Do you all have areas or neighborhoods in your towns and cities that just feel like you belong to each other? I'm there.

The space I now have has seriously downsized, but I don't mind at all. For one thing, it's forced me to downsize the amount of stuff I own, and I'm still whittling it all down. While packing for my move, I was kind of appalled at how much crap I'm dragging around. And I probably only use 20% of it most of the time. I'm donating, selling and throwing out like its my job! The smaller rooms, closets, etc., are good training for when I move to a big city or across the pond (!!) someday. We tend to spread out here in the West, but I know big cities and Europe are compact.

The house is old-school, maybe built in the 50s? I've always loved older houses - I'd love to live in a 1920's bungalow in Old Town. My room totally reminds me of my grandma's house (the one that is still living), which was built in the 50s... the heating vent, the hardwood floors. Omigosh, we have an older gas stove in the kitchen!! I don't know what year, but it has one of those warming compartments to the side of the oven, which we use to store cookie sheets and the like. So fun, I'm so tickled with my house.

I only got a couple pictures, which really doesn't show much of the house, but once I get unpacked and decorated, I'll do a follow-up post.

My dresser with one corner of the room reflected in the mirror... the desk now has piles all over it, and I removed the lamp and fake flowers (they came with the room).

Reflection of the other corner of the room. I bought myself a bunch of my fave flowers to brighten the room and give it some love.

The walls look slightly sea-foam green in the pics, but they're gray.

Please disregard the spotted glass! Cleaning it is on the to-do list. This is the backyard, complete with spacious deck (can we say bbq's and dinner parties?!), grapevine, brick bbq, a garden to the left (out of view) and a plum tree to the right (also out of view). OMG, I'm excited to have people over!!

I'm still digging and hunting for things, which make getting ready in the mornings quite interesting, but its a process.

Happy weekend everyone!! What are your plans? I'm quite excited for mine... this weekend is the biggest festival of the summer here in the FoCo, New West Fest, which includes a ton of fun musical performances. Tonight is the Flobots!!! Eeeeeek, I've been waiting for them all summer! I choreographed my anti-racism piece to their "Anne Braden" song last fall. And tomorrow is Earth, Wind & Fire! What what! Oh, did I mention that both shows are FREE?! Too much fun.

Have a lovely weekend everyone!!

xoxo
J

Under construction!

The aforementioned part trois of my "ch-ch-ch-changes" trilogy, that is.

I'm working on it. I promise. I'm just waiting on me to take a few more pics of my new digs for the post before I post. I have some, but I'd like a handful more. So the post is pretty with pics and all.

But I know me - if I don't give myself an expiration date, y'all could be waiting at least another week... SO. If I don't get those pics taken tomorrow morning before heading to work, fo'gettaboutit! The post is going up regardless.

Over and out.

xoxo
J

Ch-ch-ch-changes... Part 2

Part two of our story is bittersweet...

Change #2: School and dance

A couple months ago I think I posted about my money woes and how they affect school... I can't specifically remember, but I only have a short time to write and can't go hunt my archives right now, so let's assume I did. The short of the long of it is that I'm out of money. I'm no longer eligible to receive financial aid and I'm behind on tuition from last year, which means I'm can't register for classes.

Okay. Then in a zippy unexpected twist, about a month ago I received a letter from the university saying that I have a "credit overload violation" for my current degree, which means I'm not allowed to register or receive financial aid. Um, credit overload violation, what?? I was not aware that this even existed. And I'm pretty sure that I should have been warned by someone that this was/is a possibility. Annoying to say the least.

Well, circumstances are what they are and I'm accepting them and figuring out a new plan of attack to keep dancing and training. Of course I'm disappointed. Of course I'm sad to miss out on the adventures and shenanigans that is CSU Dance. Of course I'm frustrated to not complete my goal of obtaining my dance degree. Of course I'm crazy worried about losing technique and strength and flexibility if I can't dance everyday. Dance is not something you can take a semester off from and return 4 months later, picking up exactly where you left off.

BUT.

Its not the end of the world. A bachelors degree in dance is not the end and and be all of being a dancer. You don't need any kind of degree to be a dancer. So I will continue to train and take class and workout and choreograph and take class and train and choreography and take class... so I continue to move forward toward my goals and hopes and dreams. This doesn't mean I give up. It means I forge a new path.

Tune in tomorrow for part trois of the changes trifecta...

xoxo
J

Ch-ch-ch-changes... Part 1

Hello hello!! Once again I fell off the blogosphere train after promising that this time I returned for good. I think I'm going to stop saying that, lol!

Life's adventures really never do end, do they? But that's what makes life fun, right?! RIGHT. And the constant onslaught of adventures in my life is inspiring this next trifecta of blog posts (three planned posts?! yes. optimistic, considering my posting has been sporadic for a long while now, I know...). Today I present you with installment numero uno.

August is all about transitions... summer to fall, break to back-to-school...

Change #1: My "new" job

Compliments of We Heart It

I say "new" because its the same day-job in the office-cave but the status has been changed from hourly to salary. Along with this status change comes a significant pay raise - can I get an Amen?! - and full time hours. I will be doing the same things so not much will change there. It is a temporary appointment (contract ends in April) which means no benefits (sad) but all is well because my employers took that into account when deciding on my salary, so I can [hopefully] afford some kind of health insurance on my own. We'll see how that goes.

This is a huge relief... Just several weeks ago I wasn't sure I would even be employed past July 30. [Insert slight panic.] My hourly appointment was a temporary thing, and because I work for a public university, there are all kinds of rules and regs and required signatures to changing status, and its never a guarantee. But all is well now.

And what a relief with the money! Not only am I relieved, but I'm buzzing with this one... BIG plans here, which means attacking my crazy-outta-control-financial-debt-hot-mess with ninja fury. This isn't just a wish in my head... I'm working on a bonafide plan. Game ON.

Its funny... my job is the same but I'm still excited as if it were brand spankin' new. So what do I do?? I start window shopping for a new working girl wardrobe, lol! Same job, so same dress code... but for some reason I think that I suddenly need all these new clothes! Well, I do need some new things, but probably not as crazy as I'm imagining it in my head :)

But, wait... how does this affect dance classes in the fall?? Tune in tomorrow for installment number two... :)

xoxo
J