Weekend recap: full-fillling

A full weekend. Sunday night rolled around and I was le tired. The kind of weekend where you need another day to recover from your weekend before another week begins. Busy and go-go-go, but fulfilling.

Friday. Good Friday service after work. A bittersweet observation of Easter weekend that always leaves me quiet and contemplative. Soon followed by a frantic house cleaning sesh in preparation for a weekend house guest - our first visitor from home! I told the Hubs that he was not allowed to bring D home before 11, at least. I finished at 11:30. Whew.

Saturday. I discovered my new favorite restaurant where I had the best fritatta of. my. life. It blew my socks off. I didn't even snap a pic to share with y'all, I was too distracted by it's deliciousness. I couldn't stop raving to my husband and to D and to our server how amazeballs it was. The cherry on top: my rave earned me a $10-off coupon for our next visit, boo-ya!

After brunch, the boys headed downtown to sight see and I was off to drum and dance. Oh, I've started learning drumming. I'm playing the sangban and dundun, to be exact. It was scary at first, but I'm getting the hang of it. And some pretty legit blisters on my hands, too.

And! The sun came out! It was warm enough to shed the winter coat and boots and wear a jacket. A jacket!! Good stuff.

Sunday. Easter. Jesus. Yes, I'm one of those. Easter means a heckuvalot to me, y'all. The chocolate bunnies and jelly bellies and new Easter dresses are fun, but Jesus is it. I don't mean that in any holy roller, preachy way, just the truth from my heart.

Each time I glanced in the mirror today, my eyes looked more bleary than usual... but it made me smile. A full-filling weekend indeed!

xoxo

J

Happy happy happy

Happy Monday, happy February, just happy!

Mr. Groundhog informs us spring is fast approaching. The weather outside says otherwise. I hope he's right, because I'm ready for these:

All Pinterest

I finally saw a rheumatologist last week, hooray! This means the return to my RA drug treatment (this makes me sound like I have a drug problem... rest assured, these are doc prescribed). This in turn means subsiding flare ups and pain, which means getting back to my regularly scheduled program of this:

Gettin' down with my bad self, circa 2011.
That guy on the right? That's my friend C. He's the life of the party, always.
Photo credit: Jessica Loucks.

Valentine's Day! Which means this:

{Google images}

Burgers for V-Day? You know it.

Our first date was on Valentine's Day. Oh so cliche, I know. It was totally spontaneous and an "undate", if you will. More on that later this month... :)

Happy Monday!

xoxo

J

When joy sneaks up on you

Sometimes simple joy sneaks up on you.

On Tuesday night, I spontaneously decided to attend a ballet class after having to miss my scheduled Monday night class thanks to an RA flare up. It was just a beginning, open adult class. Nothing fancy, no frills. Just good ol' fashioned plie, tendu, rond de jambe, et al. I didn't think much of it, no expectations beyond working on my standing leg and turnout.

I loved every minute of it.

I left class feeling light and full of light.

Ballet in Aspen, CO, circa October 2011. Miss those girls.

Such a pleasant surprise. And just what my spirit needed.

xoxo

J

Black Friday? No thanks

Yesterday was a lovely Thanksgiving, probably one of the best I've ever had. This was slightly surprising, as I expected to be homesick and sad not to be spending it with my family for the first time ever. But I wasn't. Yes, of course I would have loved to see my family and I do miss them, but Thanksgiving was perfect because it was relaxed and chill. It was quite nice to just do and be. In that rare space of peace, I was able to genuinely reflect on what I'm grateful for.

Today we got up at 10 o'clock. I made pumpkin pancakes topped with cranberry sauce. We watched some Food Network shows. I finally showered and dressed around noon. We talked with Hubs' family for awhile, ate some lunch and then walked to our neighborhood coffee shop, where we are now. We'll head home, gnosh on leftovers for dinner and continue to relax into the evening.

But wait, no shopping??

I don't do Black Friday. At least not in the wake-up-and-go-shop-at-3am sense (scoring deals online seems to be the safe, sensible alternative, imo). Not only do I find it completely unappealing to wake up at an ungodly hour to obtain sweet deals on the latest must-have gadgets, but I also hate the mentality behind the madness that BF has become. I just can't get on board with the out-of-control materialism that BF has bred in our society. Um, hello America? Literally stampeding over each other and even threatening to shoot fellow shoppers over iPads and iPods?? Total lamesauce. I don't want to be a part of that.

Pinterest

Okay, okay. I know that's the extreme-case scenario. I know (I hope) that most people are able to buy their dirt-cheap plasma TVs without imposing bodily harm on those around them. And c'mon, I'm not above the thrill of snagging shiney, pretty things on the cheap. I just take issue with how blown out of proportion BF has become... I remember years ago it was "stores open at 7am"... then "6am"... and earlier and earlier until encroaching into Thanksgiving evening itself. Let's find a little balance folks.

Alright, off my soapbox. If you're a loyal BF shopper, shop away my friend. It's just not for me. I'd rather kick it with loved ones and take care of me with some much-needed R&R. If I am in the market to shop for something, I'll do it online. Or wait for another day. If I'm not busy spending time with my peeps. Or taking a nap.

Like I said, this has been, and continues to be, one of the most satisfying holidays I've ever had. Let's see if I can maintain this through the New Year...

Happy Weekend!

xoxo

J

Saved by the drums

Long before my days of ballet and modern dance, I began putting down roots in what are considered "vernacular" dance styles. Namely, swing dance (Lindy Hop), hip hop and West African. When people ask me what my favorite type of dance is, it's a toss up between one of these three. Whether I'm swiveling my hips in a swing out, gettin' down to some old school beats or stomping my feet to the drum, I'm my happiest.

New Year's Eve 2008

Three weeks ago, just about when I was feeling at the end of my whoa-is-me-I'm-never-going-to-dance-again rope, enter West African.

You can't see it, but I'm grinning ear-to-ear - I love to fly!

Just like before beginning any new dance class, I was nervous - way out of dance shape, party of one! - but that dissipated as soon as the drums began. The body remembers. Oh, that doesn't mean to say it didn't school me. It most definitely did. But the soul remembers, too. It had been a long time since my last African dance class and it felt like I had come back home after being away for too long.

African-inspired modern piece, fall 2009

You know when you're doing something and suddenly the activity and people around you fade to the background? The only thing you're conscious of is you, in that moment, doing that thing? When something inside of you utters a clear and distinct "yes"? Despite exhausted muscles and a heart pounding in my chest, that was me three weeks ago.

Hubs tells me I look most beautiful after class. That's crazy, because I'm one hot mess - clothes soaked, hair awry and face beet red. He says it's because joy is radiating from inside me and that makes me beautiful.

Birthday dance, 2010

I sure have missed this joy. 

 xoxo

J

I'm a Mrs!

Hello!

It's been a whirlwind the past four days, between getting married, frantically packing and re-packing and re-packing again, flying for hours on end, finally arriving at our hotel at 3am, learning to navigate a new city and fighting with the US Postal Service to let us set up a dang PO Box. Oh, the adventures keep coming.... but we made it! And we're hitched!

Us

Pitt is blowing my mind with the stunning architecture and green spaces

More detailed wedding and Pittsburgh scoop to come, so stay tuned!

Happy Wednesday!

xoxo

J

Putting it out there

Boyfriend and I finally got down to business with hunting for a place to live in Pittsburgh today (t-minus 5 weeks y'all!). We spent a huge chunk of time searching the web, making phone calls to rental companies and sending emails... ugh, exhausting. We're running into a huge problem with rental companies not wanting to rent remotely. We just didn't have the money to fly out there to find a place in person like we hoped. Oy. He eventually had to leave for a work meeting this afternoon, so when he left I changed gears and began the search for a job. I'm now on the verge of tears.

I'm so overwhelmed and discouraged. I poured over craigslist, I tried finding dance companies, gyms and fitness centers with open positions, and then I finally gave up and started looking for general admin-type jobs at universities and such. I know what I need - a big girl paycheck so I can start knocking out my debt - and what I want - a big girl job that uses my mad skills and interests. I want to like what I'm doing. I'm so tired of jobs that I could care less about and completely lose interest in in a matter of months (sometimes weeks!). I want to be happy and make money. Am I hoping for too much?

Boyfriend keeps reminding me, "patience and persistence, love". I know. I know that people who have their ideal job, who love their work, who are doing what makes their souls happy, did not get there right out of the gate. I know it takes hard work, sacrifice and small baby steps to reach a dream. Get-rich-quick scams are just that: total BS. I know this, I'm not living in a dream world. Nor am I trying to get rich. I just want to be out of debt so, so badly, it hurts. I also would like to finally start my career, not just hold a job. I'd really like to do both, at the same time.

What exactly is my career? Well. That adds another layer of confusion. I wish it were as easy as "I'm an accountant" or "I'm a doctor". I want to dance. I want to make dances. I want to write about dancing and making dances. I want to teach people how to dance and how to be healthy and fit. I want to create workout programs to help people be healthy and fit. I want to write about this, too. I have ideas, people. I have plans and dreams and ideas. So, how about this: I'm a dancer-choreographer-health-and-fitness-freak-artist-writer. Try fitting that into a neat 'n tidy 9-to-5.

So what to do?? One person's advice is to find a neat 'n tidy 9-to-5 with benefits to pay the bills and feed the debt monster, one I can forget about when I clock out at 5 o'clock so I can focus on creating the dancer-choreographer-health-and-fitness-freak-artist-writer. This seems wise and logical. But I know me. I know that as soon as I feel my job sucking my soul, I check out. I feel like such a bad employee when I do that. Oh, I still do the work, but my heart just isn't into it.

Le sigh. I know what I need to do. I'm no stranger to sacrifice and hard work. Thanks for letting me vent and process.

xoxo

J

I found Christmas spirit.... or did it find me?

The gingerbread men and peanut brittle didn't happen. No cards were sent out, electronic or otherwise. I didn't even get around to putting up my mini tree with it's fake mini presents that sit underneath... but Christmas was lovely. Any harbored anxiety that yet another bittersweet holiday would be my Christmas were dissipated by genuine laughter and good cheer amongst my family. Might I even say, the Christmas spirit that I longed for?

On Christmas Eve, Boyfriend and I, along with my brothers, sis-in-law and nephew, gathered at my Dad's for Christmas Part 1. Dad and his girlfriend made us turkey dinner, at my special request (I don't dig the Christmas ham thing), complete with my grandma's Christmas bread pudding with whiskey caramel sauce. That business is gooooood. And of course gifts, complete with the little liquor filled chocolates my dad gives us every year. Boyfriend got some, too.

Speaking of Boyfriend, this was his first Christmas! He's from Iran, so Christmas is not really celebrated in the predominantly Muslim country. Between the delish grub, the sweet art set my dad and his lady gave him and the comedy provided by my brothers, his thought was "I love Christmas!" Haha, oh Boyfriend...

Once adequately stuffed with turkey and bread pudding, it was off to my other grandma's house to meet up with Mom and her side of the fam for Christmas Part 2. More food, more vino, more gifts and much more laughter. It's amazing my abs were not sore yesterday.

On the brink of food coma, we trekked back home and collapsed. Christmas Day was quiet, just Boyfriend and I. We began the day with a nursing home visit with some of our church crew to bring the old folks gifts and Christmas cheer. Then we brunched at the dive diner my grandpa (the bread pudding grandma's sidekick) used to frequent when he was still alive. Totally unglamorous but special - I know Grandpa was there. Later that night, dinner was sushi and Chinese at one of the best Asian bistros in town.

It was a very merry Christmas.

xoxo
J

My happy place

The wind is howling outside. If it were summer, I'd be worried there was a tornado on it's way! Today was so cold and it was so gray this morning, it just broke my heart... so it begins, *le sigh*. Several months of cold, bleary, dreary, gray yuck.

Okay, I'm leaning a bit to the dramatic side... this is Colorado, which means Thanksgiving could be in the 60s - heck, even Christmas could have freakishly warm weather like that! - and the sun prevails the majority of the time, even when the temps are in the single digits. I'm very tired, so my drama meter is running high. Bear with me.

I was at the studio tonight, of course, but instead of regular rehearsal, we were running tech rehearsals in preparation for the latest dance concert, which will take place at the end of this week. Choreographers have been calling extra rehearsals as show time draws near, per the norm, which means I'm packing even more into my already tight schedule. I'm exhausted. I'm incredibly sore. I'm bruised and banged up. My feet have floor burns and bleed if I don't keep them bandaged (gross, but the life of a dancer... we do not have pretty feet). But I am happy.

I dread the cloud that settles upon me during winter, growing a bit darker each day until spring reappears, but I realized something tonight. Dance helps me fight that dark cloud. When I'm inside my little dance universe, I'm transported to a happy place. The cold, blustery, gray yuck outside can't touch me. I walk through the doors, inhale and exhale my first few dance breaths and it's game on. All the yuck outside fades and is forgotten.

Despite my stress, exhaustion and pain I was reminded today of my happy place. And I am grateful.

Bisous, bisous!

J

Forget Monday... where did May go??

Yowza, June is here!! That just tickles my fancy, since June 1 signals the official beginning of summer in my little corner of the universe.

What have I been up to?? LIFE! Bike rides, pool parties, soaking up the sun, teaching dance, learning dance, being an Avon lady... I thought my to-dos would settle a little upon the arrival of summer, but such is not the case. Funny, though, it's a different kind of busy than when school is in session... I think the key is less stress. Summer just brings me a carefree outlook that I love and need!

I'm short on time, thanks to my many to-dos... so I leave you with some of my latest visual inspiration as we embark upon the weekend!

All from We Heart It

Happy Friday, happy weekend, happy summer!!

xoxo
J

The waiting game and big hair therapy

To continue the "little things that make Jessi happy" theme for this week, I give you more 80's goodness.

On my home from work last night, one of my favorite Duran Duran songs came on the radio and gave me another burst of sunshine: "Hungry Like the Wolf."

Duran Duran - New Music - More Music Videos

For whatever reason it reminded me of the spring Student Dance Concert when I had to have big hair for one of the pieces I was in (it was very tribal and animal-like). Despite my straight, somewhat fine brunette locks, I can rock the big hair... just give me a crimping iron, a fine-toothed comb, a full can of hairspray and some Duran Duran playing in the background, and we're in business...

Hungry like she-wolves

K definitely had bigger hair the first night of the show (that's her on the left), but not to be outdone, I got it bigger - Texas big! - the second night. It was fierce.

Fridaylicious!

Friday feels sooooooo good, and it's especially sweet after my week of Bad Funkiness. I won't claim that the Bad Funk has dissipated, but at least my spirits are a couple notches higher than they've been recently.

The appearance of the sun helped a lot... I was surprised to see it this morning, and was even more [pleasantly] surprised that it stuck around as long as it did today... the work lunch barbecue at work was a go and boy was I happy that I got to eat lunch outside.

Other little nuggets of goodness that are helping lighten my mood:

* LOTS of social time this weekend, starting with [another!] barbecue this evening, and then I'll head downtown for this month's First Friday Gallery Walk. Besides getting to walk around and enjoy the galleries in Old Town FoCo, the Imagination Fair is also taking place. I must say, for a small city, FoCo has some awesome arts and cultural events. Tomorrow I'll go watch my swing crew perform at our Pride in the Park festival (ranked #5 in the country for small-town Pride events by gay.com - woot, woot, FoCo!). Then to a friend's graduation party, and then to another friend's cocktail party. I can't freakin' wait.

* Between all my social play time tomorrow, I get to get my hair cut, f-i-n-a-l-l-y! I'm a couple months overdue, and since my hair doesn't want to do anything beyond a ponytail anymore, I'm not feeling the prettiest these days. My cute bangs shall soon return!

* I plan to bike to most of the above activities, defiantly armed with my rain jacket. Suck on it, gloomy weather!! Let me add that I HEART my bike, and I'm trying to save money by driving less, if possible, now that it's summer and the weather is [supposed to be] nice.

* Hip hop hooray on Sunday! Even though every Sunday night I get my butt absolutely whooped by the hip hop teacher, I LOVE Sundays. I'm getting stronger, my arms are nice and defined, and those two-and-half-hours of intensity are pure CHURCH for me. I leave excited for life and being a dancer.

That's all for now... Time to get my barbecue on.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Simple pleasures

Being at home.

Cooking.

A glass of pinot grigio.

Cheese and onion quiche lorraine.

Putting together my 2009 planner.

Thumbing through my new cookbook.

Nibbling on jelly bellies.

Reading my new book.

Sleeping in my own bed.