Checking in

Despite my intentions to write something everyday, my poor blog gets neglected anyway. I wish for more followers, but passers-by are not going to linger for long if regular updates are lacking. So for the umpteenth time, I'm claiming that I will try to do better.

So I thought I should check in. What's happening in my world these days? Here is an at-a-glance update... (and please forgive any incoherence, as I slept terribly last night and have been in a very thick, exhausted fog all day... I'm surprised I'm still awake, honestly...)

Daily life is much less eventful (hectic?) without school demanding this and that. I go to work at my desk job in the morning, arriving sometime between 8 and 9, then leave around 5 p.m. I do various things in the evenings... workout, cook dinner, watch SYTYCD, work on various projects... It feels so slow, even boring, after the go-go-go pace of the semester. But I'm trying to appreciate the calm, as the go-go-go storm will be back before I know it.

T-minus 28 days until I'll be in Chicago for my dance intensive! I'm excited and nervous all rolled into one... I can't wait to eat Chicago deep-dish pizza, ride the El (Chicago's train), and see my friend D, whom I will stay with for the month. Dance-wise, I'm really looking forward to learning A LOT and getting to know the company better (networking, networking). I hope to return home a better, stronger dancer, ready to rock it at school in the fall. On the other hand, a constant stream of questions roll through my head... am I working out enough to stay in shape? Am I going to suck in the intensive classes? Are they going to regret inviting me to the intensive? What's the El like, anyway? Similar, better or worse than NYC's subway? Will I have enough time and money to sight see? Clubs? Lake Michigan? Gifts for family and friends?

And then there are the BIG questions that caused me to jolt out of bed this morning in a panic... I only get paid once this month (something the University does each year that coincides with it's fiscal year-end - long story that I don't even fully understand), so can I afford everything this month??? Plane ticket? New leotards and tights? Ballet classes to keep me in shape? Gas money? Groceries? A haircut? Father's Day for my dad? My normal monthly bills??? I'm stressing, there's no doubt about that.

[Good lord, no wonder I didn't sleep last night.]

I scoped out Craigslist again today to see if there are any part time jobs on the weekends, but no dice. I'm very hesitant to find a part time job in the evenings because then my training/conditioning/ballet classes get compromised, and that's not a very good idea at all. Asking for money, whether through "sponsor letters" or setting up some kind of donation thing here (I know people have done this)? Ugh, that gives me serious anxiety. Donating plasma even crossed my mind, but the thought of doing that just makes me want to throw up and pass out, so I don't think that's a wise choice. [I'm not a good needles/blood/body fluids person, especially when done to me - and to think I considered a career in nursing twice upon a time.]

I'm trying very hard not to let my stress cross-over into freak-out territory, but it's difficult holding on to my sanity when teetering on that edge in an exhausted state.

If anyone has any suggestions, ideas or words of encouragement, I'm all ears!!

No snow day. GAME ON.

Everything was back to business today - no snow day for us. Typical for Colorado though - total blizzard and white-out conditions one day, the next day sunny and the streets are clear and dry. Gotta love the schizo weather here.

Once I was in class, though, I was glad to be back to business. I get these bursts of inspiration sometimes where I am uber-inspired to work harder, train more, learn more, and today was one of those bursts, lasting all day long.

I first noticed it in ballet. We started pointe today (yay!!), and while it hurt, it didn't hurt as much as I anticipated, which tells me I'm stronger than I was the last time I did pointe. I still have a lot of work to do.. I need to keep working on my feet to get them stronger... but instead of getting frustrated and overwhelmed by it all, I felt a surge of motivation rise up and I thought GAME ON.

A million thoughts are running through my head: "Once the Student Concert is over and my evenings free up, I'm going to start taking ballet classes at CCB in the evenings. I'm also going to take their advanced Modern class. I'm going to use my theraband on my feet everyday. I'm going to come to the studio to work on ballet on the weekends. I'm going get my side splits by June. I'm going to work on choreography everyday. I'm going to do my hip hop calisthenics every other day. I'm going to get my handstand. I'm going to work on my Capoeira. I'm going to... to... to..." It goes on and on.

I got incredibly antsy sitting in dance history watching films about modern dance pioneers of the 20th century - the films aren't exactly riveting - all I could think about was dancing, moving... NOT sitting around.

Tonight I saw a dance concert with the CSU Tour Company. It was inspiring to see my peers do some amazing stuff. I need to keep working, training. The same thought kept going through my head as I watched: "I need to stretch!"

Weeeeellllll, I'm home and I'm not stretching. But I am trying to get these thoughts out of my head and on the page so I can settle down enough to go to sleep. I have the pleasure of a 7 am rehearsal tomorrow (ouch) so this dancer needs to get her arse to bed. But starting at 7 am tomorrow: GAME ON.