Happy Halloween!

I'm heading out for my night o' Halloween festivities. I'm very excited to be going out and partyin' like it's 1999... after this month of craziness and stress, I need to let loose fo' sho'. Going to live it up with dancing, cocktails, friends and fun!

And what am I dressed as?? The SOLAR SYSTEM!! Teehee, I'm so tickled with this costume!! It's made of a navy blue tutu, with styrofoam planets attached to it, all which are painted and glittered. I have a tee with a sparkly sun painted on the front and a glittery moon painted on the back. It's made complete with black tights and silver ballet flats. I wish I could take cred for this genius costume, but it's a dance friend's... she offered it to me on Thursday when I was wondering what the heck I was going to go as. Too much fun!! I hope to get some pics this evening to share with you all.

Have a safe, fun and Happy Halloween everyone!!

Snow can't keep us down!

Night #1 of Student Dance Concert went well tonight, and the audience was bigger than we expected, considering the huge-ass snow storm we got Wednesday and today. About 21" fell here in the FoCo!

I did almost fall out of this turn-jump thing I do in the beginning of my piece, but the friend who came to see me tonight attested that she didn't notice at all. Sweet! 'Cause I hate hate hate messing up... yep, the perfectionist thing again. But they say if you mess up one night, the next night will be fine, because you worked out the juju's... I hope I got my juju's exorcised, 'cause the BF will be coming to see me dance tomorrow night, and I want to astound him with my dancing prowess - ha!

Anyhoodle, one night down, one more to go. Then Halloween is ON, like DONKEY KONG!!! OMG. Kinda excited. Finally figured out my costume, just this evening... I'm going to wait 'til the weekend to reveal what it is... it's simple, but clever and cute, and it involves a tutu - teeheehee!!! :)

Nighty nite, y'all... Friday is almost upon us!

xoxo Jessi

On hold until futher notice... in the meantime, cookies

The Aspen update, that is. Not because I'm lazy and putting it off, but because for once I'd like to include pics with my post... and since I don't have a camera (lame, I know) I rely on stealing my friends' pictures from Facebook... so until the rest of the Tour crew posts their photos on their respective Facebooks, no Aspen post. Hopefully they will load them soon.

In the meantime...

Yesterday kicked me square in the arse. It was just a bad day all around... I was exhausted, classes were terrible and nothing was going right. I was ready to blow a gasket by the time I got home last night around 10. So as I drove home from work tonight I decided to take advantage of a rare occasion - an entire evening open, gasp! - and play in the kitchen. Cooking and baking are huge stress relievers for me. I love being in my kitchen. I rarely get to cook these days and I really miss it.

Tonight I baked oatmeal cranberry cookies and the process was the perfect antidote to yesterday. I don't think I've been this relaxed in a long time... and I mean both physically and mentally. Sometimes I think that the mental strain of my schedule hits me harder than the physical. That thought occurred to me last night while in my last rehearsal of the day. I was fighting with my body to just move, as I had been fighting with it all day long. My body checked out during my first class yesterday, which made for a v-e-r-y long day... hello?? arms? legs? you guys want to join me today, do some dancing maybe?? I didn't understand what was going on, as I had slept fine the night before (or so I thought) and I didn't dance throughout the day as much as I usually do on Mondays. Then it hit me - I think the mental stress of the preceding weeks (Student Dance Concert prep, Tour, the trip to Aspen) was finally catching up to me physically. I thought, crap, if I don't calm the eff down, I'm going to get sick or injured. And then I thought, I need to get my arse into the kitchen.

And so I did.

I am the worst blogger of all time

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But seriously. I meant to write a post all about the Aspen adventures of last week, but other things distracted me this weekend... sleep, laundry, the BF, rehearsals, sleep... so, it's postponed yet another day. Sorry my loves.

So much is on my mind, though. SO. MUCH. So I'm thinking a brain-dump here on the ol' blog might behoove my quality of sleep tonight. Here goes...

Money is a nasty li'l beyotch that I'd love to punch square in the throat. I'm having some big money troubles, and had to call a family member to ask for help. I hate asking for money. HATE it with a fiery, burning passion. Especially because I'm 30 and should not have to call home for money. So lame. And humiliating. I also spent the day wracking my brain and scouring the apartment for stuff I can spare in the way of selling... camping stuff, rock climbing gear, my drawing table (that one kills me)... I've even gone so far as to considering selling my car. But I don't think that's really a good idea. I think that's the desperation talking.

I haven't been to hip hop class/rehearsal since, oh, sometime in late August or early September. Can't remember, it's been so long. And for anyone who knows me or who has been following me for awhile knows that my hip hop is my church. Why have I been foregoing Sunday night church? See above said money probs. My car is in need of major, hella expensive repairs that I'm nowhere near affording, and driving my Civic on the interstate would be playing a game of Russian roulette at 75 mph - I'd like to live to see 31, thankyouverymuch. Oh, and the car repairs are not what I had to call home asking for money for... the car is #2 on the big-ticket list. SIGH. So yeah, not happy about my absence in hip hop-alicious.

Student Dance Concert is this week! Tech rehearsals tomorrow night, dress rehearsal Wednesday night, then show time Thursday and Friday. Thank god it's almost over. I've struggled with this one... struggled with choreography (remember the case of the missing dance mojo?? Yeah, it never really fully showed back up...), struggled with time, struggled with being happy with what I have to present to the masses come Thursday, worried about if my friends and fam will like it... or rather, worried that they'll just think it sucks. Oh, the life of a perfectionist!

Not sure why, but today I really started jonesin' for a New York minute. The BF and I were talking about life in general last night, and I suddenly remembered that I almost moved to NYC back in 2003 (or was it 2004?). I had forgotten all about that. Wow, what the hell would I be doing now if I was kickin' it in the Big Apple?? Probably trying to be a writer of sorts (that's my first degree, btw). It's kinda fun to think about, but also kinda sad because I chose not to go for a guy I met around that time, and we're clearly not together anymore. Not the first or last time I changed or neglected my own life plans for a guy... and clearly that's worked out so well for me... but I digress. A couple weeks ago the BF and I were talking about winter break plans, and a short trip to NYC came up... I've always wanted to see New York around Christmas and/or New Years, and he's never been there. And since he and I didn't get to go on our li'l weekend excursion, we thought, let's save our money and make NYC happen! How much fun would that be?!? Great idea... until above said money probs decided to be a little beyotch and rain on my parade.

[Doc? May I have a prescription for this??]

So. Hopefully my pissy 'tude doesn't scare you all off, and hopefully this stress-mind-dump will help ensure that I will pass out into blissful slumber with no problems. Wish me luck.

Back from Aspen

And so tired I can barely see straight. Yowza, touring is exhausting. I have adventures to share with you all and many of your blogs to catch up with, but I'm afraid it will have to wait. Sleep is screaming my name... so until I'm rested...

My premier world tour!!!

Haha, JUST kidding. SO not "world"... not even national or state-wide... we are just heading up to Aspen for the week. And by we I mean Tour Dance Company. It's our first trip of the semester. Even though it's not world-wide - someday, someday... - it's still pretty cool that I get to spend the week in Aspen. I'm nervous about things, of course... did I remember all my costumes? do I have enough warm clothes? did I remember mascara? (yes, I hope and yes)...

I'm stressin' about remembering all the choreo and not messing it up, of course - I have serious anxiety about upsetting our professor who leads Tour. No wait. My BIGGEST concern is doing this trust-fall-from-kinda-high-up move that we've never practiced with me (I'm understudy for it) - hella scary. But whaddya gonna do? Balls to the wall and go for it, that's what! Boo-ya!!

Okay, I have to finish last-minute packing and fractically re-checking my bags... I'll be MIA 'round these parts 'til Friday, so have a FAB week and I'll see ya when I get back!! (If I had been on top of it, I would've scheduled some guest-blogging, but I'm not on top of it... next tour! lol.)

Mwah!!
xoxo J

Love/hate

Ballet.

I love it, but I don't.

When done well, it is completely breathtaking. I first fell in love with the ballet when I was thirteen, when my uncle took me to see the Colorado Ballet's Nutcracker for my birthday. I left clutching the Nutcracker doll he bought for me with stars in my eyes, imagining myself to be one of the ballerinas floating around stage in a sparkly tutu and glittery tiara.

Never did I realize how technical and demanding and difficult ballet was/is until I started taking it two years ago. I will admit that as I got older and started playing sports, I got cocky, thinking, "oh, ballet dancers... what a bunch of ninnies... play a real sport..." Psshh. I had no idea. NONE. When I started taking ballet two years ago, I acquired an entirely new appreciation for the ballerinas (and guy ballet dancers), for under all that glitter and sparkle is hours, months, YEARS of hard, hard work. Harder than anything I have ever known. Soccer and tennis and softball ain't got nothin' on ballet.

Consider this: a dancer not only has to rock it physically and mentally like other athletes, but they also have to pull it off with panache and artistry in order to make it look effortless and beautiful.

But even with my newly acquired respect for ballet, ballet and I aren't the best of friends. I do it because I have to, because I should... it is the best technical foundation for all my other forms of dance... but that sucks, because I would like to say "I do it because I want to" (god, even maybe "like" or "love"). So far, that hasn't been the case.

I'm not great at ballet and it frustrates the hell out of me. I want to be good at ballet. I hate not doing something well, particularly when it's something I care about. Granted, I started this technical dance adventure (I did dance before that, just more vernacular street styles) at the good ol' age of 28 - it's not like I've trained in ballet since I was young, which would have allowed my body to "grow" into the technique. So I should give myself some breathing room. But I don't. I want my feet to point more than they do, I want beautiful arms and hands, I'd like my legs to stay turned out as I do the exercises...

None of these are impossible to attain, and I'm working on them. Every. Single. Day. But goddamn, it's slow, and I'm not a patient girl.

My struggle with ballet is also influenced by my ballet teachers here at school, who have kept me in the same level I started at two years ago. Now I know my ballet technique is far from perfect and I have many miles to go on this road of pointe shoes and tutus, BUT I shouldn't be in this class anymore. I know it, my peers know it. It's ree-donk-ulous. And hella frustrating. I only get so far in learning because I keep starting over again each semester. I'm stuck in some alternate-universe ballet twilight zone.

But then something happened... the planets aligned just so and I enjoyed ballet today... I had FUN. I felt GIDDY afterwards. All thanks to the State Street Ballet Company who stopped in the FoCo on their tour and taught a master class, giving us CSU students a taste of what it's like to actually enjoy a ballet class.

Not only that, though... I am usually so discouraged in my ballet classes, always thinking I suck so badly, but today was different. I kept up with everyone just fine. And at one point during the class I thought, I can do this, I can do ballet. If I really busted my ass, I could actually get shiz done in ballet. Seriously. The dilemma is getting out of this cursed beginning level...

Tonight I get to see them perform Cinderella! I am so excited. I get to go to the ballet!!! I'm anticipating feeling the usual butterflies I get when I go to the ballet... a mix of wanting to dance like those girls on stage, as well as the simple magic that is the ballet. At least for me. I love it.

Yes, yes, y'all

Quickly stopping by to say that I officially can now call the fella my BF. The good ol' DTR ("define the relationship", lol) talk took place this weekend.

And so much for not going away for the weekend because of all my to-do's... um, we kinda spent most of the weekend together. And you know what?? I'm so not going to regret it come tomorrow when all my to-do's are cornering me. Life is to be lived. I'll kung-fu chop anything that tries to tell me otherwise...

Just wanted to share. Kinda tickled about it :)

I heart the weekend

Oh me oh my, the weekend is here at last!

On tap this weekend...

Sleeping IN. Hot diggety damn, I need some sleep.
Going to see a dance concert, which several friends will be in.
Wine. A margarita. Or three. Oh yes, Jessi needs a cocktail.
Some time with the fella.
Doing my nails. Dressing cute. Doing my hair... daily dance classes and rehearsals don't allow for looking cute. Like ever [*pouts*].
Fashion magazines... oh how I miss them.
Farmer's market. I need me some creamed honey and apples. I see a pie in my future.
Cooking. I miss cooking.

Wow, that's quite a list. It doesn't include my school to-do's... maybe I'm a bit optimistic in my weekend delirium, but whatevs. It's how I roll.

It's s'posed to snow tonight! Our first snow of the season was yesterday morning - so early for the season! - but nothing stuck to the ground. BUT, it's going to get cold tonight, so fingers crossed that when I wake up tomorrow and peek out the curtains, there's a dusting of white. I want to wear a cute sweater, my skinny jeans and fuzzy boots! I'm a warm-weather-sun-worshiper, but I do heart the snow. I can deal with the cold if, and only if, there's snow to accompany it.

And I'm loving the Halloween costume suggestions from everyone! The "frazzled dance choreographer" made me laugh - 'cause I am that frazzled choreographer, ha! And the lovely Kristin suggested one I've always wanted to do, like since high school y'all: Cleopatra. Fun!! Keep 'em comin', and hopefully by October 31 I'll have something figured out.

Happy weekend everyone!! Any fun plans on your agenda??

Check, check, CHECK!

Getting shiz crossed of my week's to-do list and taking names...

Tour dress rehearsal - CHECK
2 midterms - check and CHECK
Tour Company Office Manager duties - CHECK

Next up...
Choreo my solo & finish group choreo for tomorrow's faculty showing
Catch up with my Costume & Makeup homework (ugh, SO behind...)
And about a thousand other little things that would bore you to tears (if you're not already there...)

Halfway through the week - YES!

The fella and I decided to postpone our li'l weekend getaway 'til after the Student Dance Concert is over (which happens at the end of this month)... I'm pretty much bordering on the edge of crazy these days and will be 'til October 31 with all I need to do, so heading out of town has to wait. Pooh... but it will be all the sweeter after such a crazy month!

And totally unrelated... what the heck am I gonna be for Halloween?!?! This is IMPORTANT... No time (and very little money) to shop, so I'm going to do like the lovely Maegan and create my own... but what is the conundrum... ideas??

Happy Hump Day, y'all!
xoxo J

"Manic" doesn't quite cut it...

My Mondays look something like this:

Class 9 - 1
Work 1-3:30
Tour rehearsal 4 - 7
My rehearsal 7-8
Senior concert rehearsal 8-10

Boy, I love Mondays. Every Monday, baby.

Add to the list for today:
Cross fingers that 1:00 appointment can be moved to next week, so I can...
Find a white-button Michael Jackson-style shirt for Tour rehearsal
Find T a vintage outfit for Tour rehearsal
Finish memorizing speeches for Tour rehearsal
Type up cast lists for Professor C-F for our Aspen tour
Meet with Professor C-F right before Tour rehearsal
Don't freak out about Tour rehearsal, as it is a dress rehearsal today and faculty and friends will be coming to watch...

Tour rules my life, yes??

Ready, set, GO!!!!!!!

Oh weekend, why are you so fleeting??

Another weekend comes to a close.

I never have enough time to do all that I want, but such is life. It's okay, though, 'cause next weekend I'm heading up to the mountains with the fella for a li'l weekend getaway (!!). Kinda excited for that... ;)

And by Friday I have a feeling I'll be damn ready for a getaway... this week is full... in addition to the usual madness, I have midterms, a dress rehearsal, a faculty showing... which means my choreo must be done by Thursday, cripes!...

...yes indeedy, those hot springs will be calling my name come Saturday...

Hope everyone had a fab weekend!!

Look, no hands! Wheeeeeeee!

It's October 1st!

And I'm already counting the days 'til November 1st... le sigh...

Don't get me wrong. I love October. VERY much. I adore Halloween, harvest festivals, caramel apples, hot apple cider, haunted corn mazes (omg, luuuuv haunted corn mazes), falling leaves, baking, carving pumpkins, scarves and sweaters wrapped cozily around my body... I think October would be a perfect month to get married in someday... similar to the way December feels with Christmas and New Year's, October has this magical feel for me...


But since I've returned to the land of college, October is the busiest - the BUSIEST - month. I hate it. My stress levels reach their all-time peak. And then I subsequently gorge on candy and junk food, and since it's Halloween month, there's plenty of that hanging around. I don't get enough sleep. And then my immune system goes to hell. And then I get sick. Last October, I got tonsillitis somethin' fierce. Right before the Student Dance Concert, in which I was dancing a solo. AND on the weekend that Mr. Prez Obama visited Fort Collins on his campaign tour. I was too sick to even attempt seeing him. I was pissed. Thanks, immune system.

I will not get sick this month, I will not get sick this month, I will not get sick this month...

My head is constantly spinning with all I have to do these days. I'm barely keeping track of it all. A few weeks ago this really frustrated me, as I like to have some sense of control of my schedule... but this week I realized that control is probably way out of my reach this semester. So instead of fighting it, I think the best option is to let go and just enjoy the ride.


I can tell I'm getting overwhelmed, because I really want to ignore my school projects (costume sketches, choreography...) tonight and just kick back with my magazines, a book I'm trying to read and just have some quiet me-time.... maybe I can talk the fella into giving my sore back and shoulders a rub-down...

Happy almost-Friday, right!??!

xoxo J