... dance, fitness, food, health, life...

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Now where did I leave off...?

First off, I would to thank Tiffany over at Dancing Branflakes for shaking me from my non-posting coma with a simple little "where you at?!" comment! I've been in a blogging dry spell, mixed with thoughts like "who wants to read my ramblings anyway?", and before I realized it, saying "I'll do it tomorrow" day after day has turned into weeks later... Thanks girl!

Omigosh, where do I even begin?!

I guess just pick up where I am at the moment...

I'm still lovin' the new house (which isn't quite so new anymore), and what I love most is the wonderful people I'm meeting there! My house sitch is kinda unique... most of the people that live there are very short-term housemates. Most are veterinary students doing short-term externships at CSU (myself and one other roomie are the "permanent" residents of the house). Most people are there anywhere from 2- to 6-weeks and they come from all over, literally. There are Americans and there are international students. Since I've been here, there was guy from Spain, a gal from Georgia (the US state), a woman from Denmark, and now there is a girl from Washington, DC, and two Frenchies - everyone has been so wonderful! So far everyone has gotten along great and we have such a good time hanging out, cooking and eating together, learning about each other's cultures and lives and just plain making friends. This is so perfect for me. I have such a strong desire (obsession, really) to travel and live all over the world, learn different languages and live life outside of the American box.

My infatuation with fall grows... scarves have been a regular part of my wardrobe lately, all I want are salted caramel macchiatos from the 'Bucks and I'm getting antsy to find me some tall flat boots. The other thing I love about fall?? It's creative season. I don't know what it is, but there is definitely a strong ebb of creative energy at this time of year because I get into total create mode when fall comes knocking... it ranges from epic cooking and baking projects, to choreography, to writing, to wanting to sew and sketch and craft like its my job. Sadly, there is little time in my crammed schedule to bring any of these things to fruition, which just breaks my heart. I know, I know, it's a matter of me making the time, but so far I've not done that. But oh, the project ideas I have swimming around in my head!!

Dance. Oh dance. Dance is this this constant tug-of-war between confidence and insecurity... Earlier this month I was grappling with serious frustration and identity issues over my new schedule... specifically, not being a student, not choreographing, sitting at a desk all day and dancing for what I felt (and still feel) is a mere tidbit of my day. I need my job and am very grateful for it, but I struggle with the fact that I sit for a crap load of hours a day and only move for a few. I do have rehearsals through the week, I take class a few times a week and I'm cross-training at the gym to compensate for the lack of dance hours, but I never feel like I'm doing enough. Ever. I can feel and see the effects on my body of not dancing 4-6 hours a day and it's completely discouraging.

And then there are weeks like last week and this week. There has been some emotional stuff to work through but dance has helped bring me back to the moment. Concentrating on balancing on one leg while slowly extending the other into the air takes all that I have... and it reminds me that I am exactly where I should be, right now, and my spirit is refreshed. I still grapple with frustration, but as time passes it's lessening to moments rather than entire days or weeks. I'm coming to terms with how my life is right now by taking it a day at a time, or even hour by hour on some days... some days I'm fine and other days I just have to write off.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! Remember to live in the moment...



  1. Welcome back!
    Oh, I know how you feel about not dancing! It's the first thing that happens to dancers when they graduate and stop dancing for six hours a day- depression and a feeling that you're getting worse with everyday that you don't dance. But let me tell you, my dancing has actually gotten better. I don't know how, but I am much better now than I was then. I am more connected, flexible, and quicker at picking up combinations. Keep up your schedule and you'll be fine, I'm sure of it.

  2. Good for you for keeping up how you can right now. It may not be ideal but almost nothing ever is. Give yourself permission to be okay with that. From the outside, it looks like you're doing things pretty well!

  3. Hey there lady, good to see you so cheerful! Scarves and boots would do it for me too. Still too hot here. Boo!