Monday, September 28, 2009
Taking into account that I'm already sore and stiff, that I keep finding random bruises and bloody toes, I will say that I finally friggin' danced today. Okay, I dance everyday, but I'm usually just tired from a long day, not in full-body pain. I'm def in full-body pain, and it's glorious.
Ummmm, should I be concerned by this mentality???
Now, before you refer me to some nut-house, just know that my Chicago dance boot camp adventure is the bar I'm measuring everything against... see my July archives if you want to read all about it again, 'cause I know you do ;) ... where I was popping ibuprofen like candy and investing some serious cash in those stick-on Icy Hot patches... thanks to Chicago, my mentality now is if I'm not beat up and waddling around in pain, then I ain't dancin'.
Hot diggety, I danced my tookis off today... now where is that ibuprofen bottle??
Sunday, September 27, 2009
… but first, some housekeeping. I know I've been seriously MIA from my blog as of late. I think about it and feel guilty about it sometimes, but I trust that most of my bloggy luvvers are cool enough to understand that life happens and sometimes I'm going to be more on the down-low. And then there are peeps who I might have to put in the “hater” category. Someone commented about my absence-of-late on my previous post that got my hackles up a bit. Quote: “...it's like you meet some guy and off you go...” Here's the deal: yes, I have a new fella hanging around, and yes, I'm directing some of my sparse time and energy to him. But you know what?? That's what you do when you start dating someone. You spend time with them. That's how a relationship is developed. And my desire to spend time with a real human being may take priority over blogging sometimes, but that's how it is. Don't be a hater, yo.
Now that that's off my chest, I can update the rest of my cool-like-that bloggy luvvers...
Lots is goin' down in Jessi Town. Of course there is too much to break down play by play, but here are some highlights....
My mind is in the Windy City more and more these days. Does this mean Chi-town is my destiny? Perhaps. But there are many doubts and questions, too... a recent one being could I live through brutal, months-long grey winters?? I have a difficult time as it is when it gets gloomy here for any prolonged periods of time (read: like a week or so). Remember my depressed, whiny rants back in June when Cali was sharin' it's June Gloom with sunny Colorado?? Visit my June archives if you need a refresh. It ain't pretty. I adore the sun. It might get to be 3 degrees in the dead of winter here, but the sun will still be shining, and that keeps the I-want-to-poke-my-eyeballs-out-its-so-cold maniacal thoughts below the boiling point for me.
I've been feeling discontented and restless and impatient and frustrated with dance at CSU – I have a feeling this a big contributor to my creative block, which I'm still friggin' fighting with... I get this sense that I'm approaching some decisions in the immediate future. Earlier this year I started an application to transfer to a different school in Colorado, but upon making CSU Tour Company for this year, along with a couple other things, I decided to stick around. But thoughts of change have been looming again. Changes are happening in the program here, changes that don't really fit into my grand master dance career plan, so I can't help but wonder if the next step is elsewhere... Is it at another school here in Colorado? Is it Chicago? Is it something else entirely that doesn't involved school?? Omg, the thought of not finishing my dance degree freaks me out a little. It challenges my pride and determination to prove all the naysayers who doubted that I mean business back when I started this adventure a couple years ago. But I also know that one does not need a dance degree to be a dancer... SIGH...
The fella... I hesitate to divulge too much here, only because I'm a bit superstitious. I have this thing where I don't like to say too much until something is more official, for fear of jinxing it. So, I'm going to withhold details for a wee bit longer... but know that I'm happy, having fun, and I like this handsome fella, who seems to return the sentiments. He's also a hella-busy college student (getting his PhD!), so we see each other spontaneously when we can. It's def not a “normal” dating schedule. For example, as I settled on the couch last night with some reading, thinking I was flying solo for the night, he surprised me by showing up at my door at 11 pm, saying “get dressed, let's go get a drink!” So much fun - a guy after my li'l adventurous heart! To be continued, I hope... ;)
I could go on and on with the random mess of goings-on in my head, but I must attack the massive to-do list for the day... still miles to go before I sleep, and it's already 4 o'clock in the afternoon...
Hope everyone had a fab weekend!
Monday, September 14, 2009
But then I tried choreographing this weekend, and again, no dice. Panic turned to frustration. Frustration turned to stress. I drove home from the studio last night completely dumbfounded. What the heck is wrong with me? Not only did I feel blocked, but I felt empty inside, with nothing there. Nada. Zilch. ZERO. The well was dry. But I don't have time to wait around for the muse to fill it back up. There are only six weeks until the Student Concert, and I will be out of town one of those weeks. On top of that, rehearsals with one of the semester's guest artists start next week, and those are going to cause conflicts. I have about 6 minutes of music to work with and only about 50 seconds choreographed at this point. [Insert panicked, stressed Jessi here.]
Deep breath in. And out. And try ignoring the stress-numbing sugar cravings... cupcakes? ice cream??
Okay, I have to figure this out. I can't just panic and pout on the couch with Ben & Jerry's... as tempting as that may be... So I started thinking... what inspires me? what gets the creative juices flowing? what revs my mojo?? Chicago, Deeply Rooted... I can't help but keep going back to Chicago. I keep yearning to reattain what I found in Chicago... the ah-ha moments, the growing pains, the no excuses you-get-your-leg-up-there-I-don't-care-how-bad-it-hurts tough love from the choreographers, feeling some serious power onstage during the performance... there in the Windy City I discovered my MOJO...
This missing mojo must be found. But how?? And then I found this... I can't stop watching it, I can't stop thinking about it, I can't stop replaying the music in my head...
Their movement. The music. Omigod, their MOVEMENT. I wish I had words to articulate how this piece stirs me... that is exactly how I desire to move. That is what I'm striving for.
Watching this clip (over and over and over) is telling me to go back to what I know and love. Create movement that resonates with me. Stop worrying if anyone will like it or not. Tell my story through my body, not anyone else's. I think the mojo is making it's way back to mama.
Oh, and for those unfamiliar with the nuances of dance, the style they are dancing is modern, with African fused in. So, African modern, really.
And several of you have mentioned wanting to see me dance... I would love to indulge you with a li'l vlog; however, I am video camera-less. Sad day, I know. But stay tuned. A li'l somethin' just might turn up here in the future...
[And P.S. I was tickled by the excited response I got about being back out there dating and the new handsome fella I'm spending time with! Thanks for all your encouragement, it meant a LOT! The quick update: things are going swimmingly so far... we had another date this weekend, a spontaneous one which is always exciting! Maybe there's a post revealing a few more deets coming soon...?!? Only time will tell... *wink*]
Monday, September 7, 2009
I've been slowly catching up with all your blogs when I have a few minutes to sit, commenting here and there, but I'm still behind... I may not always comment, but I am reading and sending you thought-love! :) I'm at my computer so little these days... thank goodness, though, right? I mean, all I did was complain for a solid month about being bored out of my skull once I got back from Chicago, and all I wanted was to escape the office-cave and get back to dance. Well I'm back. And I'm definitely not bored.
Wowzers, SO MUCH has happened over the last couple of weeks - omigod, and it's only been 2 weeks - so here are some snippets of the latest and greatest in Better Late Than Never-land...
My grandfather's funeral and memorial services were nice remembrances of him. It was good to see my cousins, whom I love dearly and rarely get to see anymore, and we all had good laughs together while sharing memories of Grandpa. My grandfather was a stubborn, hard-working, devoted, hilarious kick in the pants. I have no doubt he's giving St. Peter a run for his money up there.
School revved from zero to sixty in typical fashion. I auditioned for the various semester concerts - I made it into a Senior Concert piece, a Student Concert piece, and I have my own student concert piece which I'm choreographing (and need to get busy with as soon as I'm finished here!). And then there's Tour Dance Company, which I'm an apprentice for. Tour is hugely time consuming right now, as we are learning repertory we'll take on tour (which will mostly just be in the Northern Colorado region). AND, we still have guest artists coming who will audition and set pieces on us for the Fall Dance Concert. Mon dieux. All I can say is between now and October 30, my life will be one big blur.
I'm dating. Finally. I know I never talk about my personal life here - well, as far as guys are concerned, anyway... I know I do plenty of grumbling about Aunt Flo, lol - but this is a big deal for me, so I feel the need to put it out there. In a nutshell, I've been nursing a very broken heart for the past 9 months or so, and while there is still healing to be done, I finally, finally found myself truly ready to start dating again about mid-August. It's a little scary, yes. But I think I've come to realize that part of the healing process is putting myself out there. I mean, I'm not going to find Mr. Man by holing up in my apartment all the time, right? And I'm happy to say that I had a wonderful third date with a certain handsome fella this weekend. We'll see what happens...!
I think that's all for now. That's all I can think of to update you all with, anyway! I miss you all dearly... so please come by and don't hesitate to leave a li'l sugah... I had a little blog hiatus, but you can't get rid of me that easily!