At last

Friday.

The week has been long and hard. I feel beat up and very tired. Now all I have to do is make it through this afternoon, and then I can do what I've really wanted to do all week: sleep for days and days...

A little dance, a little not

I know this blog is to share my adventures as a dance major, but some days I don't have anything new to say. Let's see, what can I come up with?

Modern went great today, although my poor feet and knees are still consistently getting beat up. Long gone are the days of pretty feet, ya'll. Doing a pedicure is pointless - the paint gets chipped and rubbed off, my toenails often crack and break... The most I ever do is keep the nails short and lotion my feet up so they don't crack and split, which has happened and hurts quite a bit. Lovely image, yes? :P Choreography was a little tough, only because Professor C wanted us to do all sorts of improv, but none of us had the energy or creative juices. We're all tired and ready for break! One more day - I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

The weather outside is cold and wintry. Surprisingly, I love it! I'm not usually a cold weather fan, but people change moods, I guess. Itty bitty snowflakes keep falling, and I keep begging the clouds to just release them all on us! I want to go up to the mountains and go snowshoeing or sledding or something, then come home for something warm in my tummy... which brings me to the fact that the cold puts me in the mood to cook like crazy. I would totally love to make a batch of my winter minestrone, but I don't have the groceries or the funds to do it right now. Payday tomorrow, whew!

The weather also puts me in the holiday spirit... kinda hard to catch the spirit when it's 75 degrees out there, like it was yesterday. It's November and I live in Colorado, for pete's sake. Today I've wanted to cook, bake, listen to holiday music, go Christmas shopping, the whole bit. I should calm down - Thanksgiving first, Jessi.

I'm at work, so I guess I should get back to it. Ciao for now...

A little ahead of myself here

It's never good when you think it's Friday when it's only Wednesday... holy shmoley, I've had the Friday feeling all day today: after class, when I left work, on my home from rehearsal... no bueno.

But the day is over now, thank goodness. It's been a long one and I'm pooped. Last night wasn't so great for sleep - couldn't fall asleep, and when I finally did I had bad dreams all night, the whole bit. I'm hoping the sleep gods have mercy on me tonight. I've appeased them with sacrifices, so I have hope... nighty nite!

A little TLC

You know, I've been struggling lately with motivation and confidence in my dancing. It started about a month ago. I'm not really sure why or how, but I've been experiencing some serious self-doubt.

In a couple weeks, the three seniors who are graduating this semester will have their senior dance concert (the equivalent of a senior thesis or project). I'm dancing in one of the ensembles, and tonight we had a tech rehearsal for the dance faculty.

After the group I'm dancing with finished, one of my friends who had been watching said, "Jezzebel" (his nickname for me), "I just love watching you dance." It was so sweet and unexpected, I got all flustered! I thanked him and sat down really quickly - I think I was blushing because everyone else was sitting around and heard it. When they all had gone to get ready for their ensemble, I gave him a hug, thanked him, and told him how his compliment made my heart grow just a little bit bigger. It's the little things...

Dance = joy

Today I watched students in the "Understanding Dance" class perform their big semester choreography project. The class is for non-dance majors (although some dance majors do take it). It was so much fun to watch what they created. Some students were very timid and others completely hammed it up, but either way all of us dance majors who watched cheered them on and hopefully encouraged them to just have fun. I think they all did a great job!

Their professor, Mr. T, said something that I strongly believe to be true: no matter an individual's skill level or "expertise" with dance, dance touches something within us that brings us unadulterated joy. And this joy is universal, bridging gender, race, culture, sexes, generations, etc.

I experience this joy when I'm doing hip hop, swing, and African. I feel it from time to time in modern, but ballet hasn't yet touched this part of me. A big contributing factor is the music - if there is a drumbeat or some kind of hard-hitting rhythmic percussion, it moves me from within. It's like the music is my heartbeat and I can't help but move.

The Godfather of Soul, James Brown, summed it up well: "Get up offa that thing - dance and you'll feel better!"

Church

For some people, Sundays are church days. (Disclaimer to any non-Christian-tradition readers out there: I realize there are religions that observe the sabbath on different days, in different ways. This is from my Christian perspective background, so please bear with me.) I grew up attending church on Sunday mornings myself, but things have since changed for various reasons. I won't discuss my religious and spiritual evolution over the years - that's a long blog in and of itself - but I want to comment on what church means to me now.

I've come to believe church to be a place where an individual seeks and attains spiritual fulfillment. For some that may be a traditional church building with pews and a pulpit. For others it can mean a walk along the beach, sitting atop a mountain or simply just taking a walk. My church? Hip hop on Sunday nights.

What??

Yes, hip hop. I've been attending Sunday evening hip hop classes in Denver for a little over 2 years now, and each and every time has been church for me. It purges bad moods, bad attitudes, and anything else I may be harboring. It's cathartic. It fills up my well. I can leave for Denver in a bad mood, not wanting to make the drive down there, but each and every time I come home in high spirits.

I didn't make it down today. Darn school deadlines...

My day off

Saturdays are my designated day off from dancing and physical activity. My body needs rest and time to repair so it can keep going strong week to week. I might do some light stretching, but not much beyond that.

My Saturdays typically entail working a few hours, tackling some schoolwork if I'm motivated and disciplined (which isn't often, actually), and hanging out (which does happen often).

This weekend is quieter than normal, which is nice for a change. Most the time my schedule is jam-packed. I'm so busy throughout the week that I think I have all this time over the weekend, so I fill my schedule with all sorts of to-do's, so it just ends up like my week! And this includes social activities. I tend to forget to allot downtime for myself. Saying yes to everything is a hard habit to break, and it doesn't help that I'm such a busy-body-social-butterfly type. If I don't have much going on, I tend to feel guilty about it, thinking "Oh my god, I shouldn't just sit here and relax, there are things to do!!" It tends to be a recipe for burnout. I guess I just need to learn to allow myself downtime sans guilt. It's a learning process, that's for sure.

Little gifts

Today I was given a little gift in the form of normal ballet class being cancelled for a floor barre day, which just means a special stretch day. It was exactly what I needed.

Funny how God/the universe/fill-in-your-higher-power-here just knows what you need, and if you ask, there's a darn good chance you'll get it. I haven't had the best week. Really, I haven't had the best past couple of weeks, thanks to a li'l personal matter. I'm definitely not my usual happy, spunky self these days. Today was no exception. As I was driving to ballet, trying to keep it together so I didn't show up to class with puffy, red eyes, I sent up a little prayer to please just help me make it through the next couple of hours without a glitch. I needed ballet to take it easy on me today.

I got there, started gearing up in my tights and leotard when I overheard something wonderful: "Today is a stretch day. Professor Ballet said so yesterday." Really?? Music to my ears and relief for my body and mind! Stretching felt so good. It was meditative, and I can honestly say I felt a teensy bit better as I drove back to work. At least the knot in my stomach is gone for now, and no overwhelming urge to start sobbing.

Oh, and my knee started bothering me yesterday, too, which has me worried. So the stretch day gift was two-fold for Long Legs here. Thank you!!

Just checking in...

Man, I am a bad, bad blogger... I read other people's blogs daily, and if my regulars don't post daily, I get impatient waiting for their next installment. I'm such a blogging hypocrite! (Okay, so this makes it seem like I'm bonafide spazzing out about this, but really, I'm just being dramatic in true Jessi fashion).

It's not like I don't have anything to say or talk about. Blog-worthy things happen everyday in my li'l dance world... classes, rehearsals, choreography, projects, professors who are really starting to tick me off. But for some reason, I just don't sit down at my computer and write it down. Isn't this blog supposed to be a chronicle of my adventures as a dance major??

Well, it's NaBloPoMo, a.k.a. National Blog Posting Month. While November is almost half over and I've missed 12 days worth of posting, I will join up in the spirit of my blog - better late than never!

Here's to my attempt to post something everyday for the rest of the month! Wheeeeeeeee!

May I introduce Mr. President Barack Obama?