Blah. Schmeh. Where the eff is spring?!?

The last home stretch of winter blooooooows... I'm very sorry to all my bloggy and real-life chums who have birthdays in February, but February and I are not friends. Every year I struggle to get through this month. Despite it being only 28 days long (and the occasional 29), it drags on and on and on and on and on and.... if I ever get annual vacation time ('cause who knows what my dance career will be like), I think February is the month to use it. Too bad Spring Break isn't in February. I'm starting to lose my sanity just a wee bit. Or a lot.

Hence my absence from the blogosphere. I think I've used a handful of excuses over the last few weeks... I'm busy, I don't have Internet at home (yup, still)... but really I think its my blues. Last week a post idea popped into my head, but I didn't even have the desire to sit down and write it out. I'm lame, I know. But I just can't write if I'm not inspired. And I think I've avoided posting because I don't want my posts to be all negative-Nancy all the time. Who wants to read daily posts like that?? I am reading all of your blogs, ninja style... you can't see me, but I'm there...

It's not just affecting my blogging, either... I avoid being at home because it gets hella lonely out in suburbia-ville, especially with no TV or Internet filling in as faux-company. I miss my student housing apartment where I could just go down to the lobby if I needed to see people. I have a HUGE tuition bill to pay off so I can continue and finish my degree (ugh, another long story, maybe another blog post?), so I'm effing broke. I feel very un-pretty these days. As in I'm comparing myself to other gals to a very unhealthy degree and when I look in the mirror at myself my immediate thought is "gross". Some days I think that my BF is going to decide that some other girl is prettier than me and run off with her. And I feel like I'm getting worse at dance and I should quit while I'm ahead.... uh, what?? Yeah, all of it is totally ridiculous, but the blues cause some pretty stupid shit to go through my head.

I'm trying to be positive and put on a happy face, but some days it just feels way too fake. And I'm not a good liar.

Please bear with me as I wait out this last stretch of winter... I will pop in here and there, but it may be on the quiet side for a bit longer...

xoxo
J