Waiting in the wings

Let's take a pause from all these Hungry Dancer posts, shall we? I mean, I have all kinds of HD posts in the queue and more being conjured up in my brain at the rate of my Twitter feed. But let's take a moment to discuss the reason for this blog's existence in the first place: DANCE.

Until last week, the last time I danced was the end of July. The dance hiatus has made me feel like I don't have much to talk about. Which is silly, really, considering there are all kinds of dance-related topics I could cover. More truthfully, though, my lack of dancing has some crazy negative psychological effects, which then affect my blog productivity. Namely, I start questioning if I can really call myself a dancer if I'm not currently dancing, so if I can't call myself a dancer then how can I write about dance and life as a dancer if I'm just one big fraud? Oy.

It's all complete baloney, of course. I know this. But as we all know, sometimes it's really hard to turn off the internal trash talk.

Also? I'm up against a couple of real-life obstacles that are making things difficult.

Numero uno: money. Long story short, I have yet to find employment, and until I do, we're living on Hubs' grad student stipend. As such, there is zero wiggle room in our budget beyond the basics. That means no dance classes, no social dance nights and no seeing dance performances (and there are all kinds here in the 'Burgh that I'm itching to check out!). Boo, yes. But reality bites sometimes.

Numero dos: my health. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) earlier this year. RA is an autoimmune disease that can be lived with pain and symptom-free, provided you're under a doctor's care. Another long story short, my medical care and medication was interrupted over the summer. Thus, my RA started flaring right about the time we arrived in Pitt. This RA business is no joke. Oh my goodness, the pain. For example, say my shoulder joint is inflamed. It feels like someone is trying to tear my arm off of my body. And the daily recommended dose of ibuprofen barely touches it. It's terrible. My doc back in Colorado graciously extended my prescription for me for a couple of months until I find a doctor here. It's starting to help, slowly, but it is still a toss up every day whether I'm going to wake up pain free or not. This one's a toughie, y'all.

So. Spending freeze. Pain. Bad little voices in my head. I'm up against some serious biz here, but I'm learning some important lessons along the way. For one, I'm learning to roll with the punches. Life is what it is right now. While I have no control over some of it, I do have control over me. How I react. My attitude. What I do with my time. Time is a precious, elusive gift - how often do we complain that we don't have enough time?? I've been given this gift and I'm not going to take it for granted. I'm also getting to practice patience, understanding that my time will come when the time is right.

Stretching and waiting to dance... and for the bus.

While a dancer waits to go onstage, she stands in the wings, preparing for her entrance. She mentally reviews the choreography and timing and the emotion she is to convey. She continues to move to keep muscles warm, supple and ready for action. She is alert. Waiting is not passive. It is eager and anticipating. Waiting in the wings is significant as it determines what happens onstage.

Up next: Africa saves the day. Again.

xoxo

J