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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A very necessary evil

Money may be evil, but it sure is necessary to get somewhere in life...

I have no idea how I'm going to pay for school next year and I'm a wee bit concerned. Student loans are no longer an option since I used student loans for my first bachelor's. Since this is my second, the government tells me I'm done. No more loans for you, missy. Scholarships are not working out so well, either. So I'm a little stuck and a little freaked out about it.

The thought of potentially not going back in the fall because I can't pay for it really upsets me. I know this happens and some people take time off to work and save money, going back when they've saved enough. This isn't really an option with dance. Taking a semester off would be detrimental to my training and progress. And it would just be plain stupid. Remember, time is a-tickin' here. I'm not exactly 18 years old anymore.

I've heard of and read stories where some wealthy, middle-aged man or woman is looking to patron the arts, and decides to do so by paying for the education and training of some young, struggling artist. I keep dreaming that this will happen to me. I just got an email from a friend whom this did just happen to! She's transferring to a small private school in Florida this fall, and she, too, was unsure how it would be paid for since funding was not coming in as she expected. Well, a long-time friend of her family's just offered to pay for her education! Seriously?! I almost cried when I read her email.

Okay, when's my miracle going to show up? Money has always been kind of a struggle for me. My family didn't have a lot growing up, and once I moved out on my own I've always lived paycheck to paycheck... but I don't consider myself a victim or anything. I'm not going to whine and bitch that "nothing good ever happens to me" and that the universe is out to get me. I'm plenty blessed with amazing friends, family, and I do have the basic needs covered - a roof over my head, food to eat, etc. But I guess I'm asking for a tad bit more from the universe.

I can't quit. Everything I worked for and fought for last school year would all be a waste if I did. I want this so badly. I truly believe in my heart that this is my calling in life. Do I expect to be a principle dancer in some professional ballet company someday? Of course not. Do I think I'm going to make mucho dinero as a dancer? Please. Do I know that I have to bust my butt every single day, physically and emotionally? Absolutely. Do I still want it, despite all this? Hell yes.

Quitting is not an option. Game on, money!

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