The last thing a dancer wants to hear or feel is "pop".
Last night I was rehearsing one of the pieces I'm in for the concert. Determined to get my leg high and straight, that's the exact sensation I felt at the top of my kick. My immediate thought: "oh shit."
Oh shit is right. The pop was followed by a burning sensation that traveled down my leg. I pulled my hamstring.
The next 24 hours leading up until now have been filled with lots of tears, ibuprofen, ice packs and consults with physical therapists. I'm not sure yet what's going to happen for the shows on Friday and Saturday, but at this point, I can only bend my knee far enough to lift my foot about 8 inches off the ground. That doesn't bode well for high extension kicks and splits.
The thought of not performing this weekend kills me. It's the first concert where I made it into more than one or two pieces, and some of them are fierce. Not only that, but it's my Student Concert, I'm co-directing!! And then I feel guilty for my friends and family who are paying for tickets to see me, but might not get to see me. UGH.
I could push through it. I could make it through Friday and Saturday and then take weeks off afterwards to heal and rehab... but that's risky with a hamstring. One of the PT's I talked to today told me that hamstring pulls that aren't healed properly and sufficiently are highly prone to reinjury, and reinjuries are worse than the initial injury. Which then sets you up for chronic problems... which is something to seriously consider when thinking of my career in the big picture. And my pull isn't in the belly of the muscle... it's high at it's insertion point, in my bum region. Meaning I can't wrap it and meaning the pull (tear?? I don't really know without an MRI) is in the tendon, not just the muscle. If you're not familiar with anatomical stuff, just trust me that that isn't good. I could push through. But at what cost???
I know in my heart the right thing to do... I know there will be more dance concerts and performances and that this isn't the end of my career. But when you get attached to something, it is so hard letting go...