While biking in to work this morning, yet another little blog post light bulb went off... but then I quickly dismissed it. "I can't talk about that, it's not set in stone yet... if I do, I'll jinx it..." I thought. And so my blog sits empty for yet another day.
I then realized that I'm a little superstitious. I fear that if I talk about something too soon, it will be jinxed and won't materialize into reality. I do this in real life as well as in Blog Land. When Homeboy and I started dating back in February/March, I didn't tell a soul. I wasn't hiding it per se, but I wasn't shouting it from the rooftops, either. Our friends harass us now about how long it took us to finally "admit it" on Facebook ('cause nothing is officially official until it's on Facebook, right?). I think that when I get the feeling that something good has fallen into my lap, I protect it in it's early stages, sheltering it from anything that I think may compromise it's survival until it's grown enough to support itself. Weird? Anyone else do this?
There are things on my life horizon that I'm hiding, things I want to share with you and write about. Do I take a risk and share? Do I ignore my superstitious fears, trusting that most end-results are in my control and not completely abandoned to fate? (I'm dramatic, no?)
So, my job is ending next Friday. August 5th is my last day. I didn't get canned, I didn't quit... In a nutshell, my position was a temporary appointment and while I knew my employers would have jumped through the HR hoops to extend my appointment if I had asked, I chose not to. I just have this feeling that it's time to move on, that it's time for a new chapter. No, I don't have a replacement in place at this point, beyond my Avon business and fitness teaching. Maybe I should be more worried than I am, but I'm not stressed about it. In fact, despite the challenges I'm going to face, I feel like this is what is supposed to happen. I feel like it's time to finally jump head-on into the myriad of self-employed projects and dreams that I've put on hold for so long... I hope. I mean, I sense that my Avon business and my fitness teaching could be so much more than it is right now, but I struggle to find time to put into them because my time is spent here at my 9-to-5. And I don't love my 9-to-5. I never have loved any of my 9-to-5s, for sitting at a desk job sucks my soul, but ironically that is always the type of job I've had.
And then there is school and dance. More projects and dreams abound there, as well. That's a post for another day.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But I just have this feeling that it's all going to be okay. I have faith that it will all work out fine, for the best... I just have to keep trucking along, pursuing and fighting to make my dreams reality.