Money Matters, Part 2

A few days ago, I vented my frustrations about being unable to afford the types of groceries I should be eating. Today I will add the next installation to the Money Matters two-part series...

Today I shall bitch about the quasi-needs and wants that don't fit well (if at all) into my meager budget. I'll start with the quasi-needs...

"Quasi-needs" are things that I need but won't literally die without. They are needs because they're everyday necessities to keep hygienic and healthy. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating it is when I'm doing acrobatics in the bathroom to squeeze out the last bits of toothpaste because I'm concerned about spending the money on a new tube. On toothpaste! The quasi-needs list is extensive: toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss, sunscreen, chapstick, tampons, shampoo, body wash, tylenol or ibuprofen, bandaids, athletic tape, laundry detergent, dish soap, housecold cleaners, tissues, toilet paper... you get the idea.

The wants are extensive, too. They range from makeup to clothes to dance gear to gas in my car to dinner out.

"But Jessi, you don't need makeup!" Please. I know I won't die without it, but I like makeup and I'm going to wear it. Even on the most basic makeup days, I don't like leaving the house without mascara, base, blush and some kind of lip goop. I look washed-out and tired without makeup. Once upon a time, I started buying all my makeup and skincare stuff at The Body Shop. They are organic, fair-trade, and probably most important to me, no animal testing. BUT, like good, whole food, I can't afford it. So I swallow the guilt of not following my principles and use the cheap stuff.

Needing new socks or undies isn't just a matter of running out and grabbing what I need anymore. I'm poking holes through my ballet slippers and have one leotard that rotates between several classes - it isn't long before that leotard is in bad need of washing. Tights. Sports bras. Workout/dance clothes. Gas in my car to get to school, work, and rehearsals because taking the bus or riding my bike are not always viable options. An oil change. I don't even want to know what other kind of maintenance work my poor car needs, as its been way too long since the last check-up on it. And while dinner out or a movie are pretty much last on the priority lists, it gets old and embarrassing telling people "thank you, but I can't afford it" time and time again.

I know my present circumstances are a result of choices I've made. And in no way do I regret going back to school. I knew I would have to make sacrifices by doing so. That doesn't mean I'm not frustrated as hell. And tired. I mean seriously... stressing out about buying toothpaste and socks?? I never went through this during my first round of college. A change has got to come.

Money Matters, Part 1

I dance about 6 days a week now, ranging from 3-5 hours per day. That doesn't count time I practice on my own, or any other dancing I might do (swing, hip hop). Needless to say, I need to eat A LOT. I had decent metabolism before, but now its like I have the giant venus fly trap from Little Shop of Horrors - "feed me, Jessi, feeeeeeed meeee!!! " - inside my belly.

I need meat. I need veggies and fruits. I need good calories, people! But my budget doesn't support it... My grocery cart gets filled with boxed mac'n'cheese, tuna, canned soup, cheese and bread (all generic store brands, by the way). Oh, and produce includes apples, bananas and potatoes. Grapefruit for occasional variety, when and if they're on sale. Figuring out how to fuel my body on the cheap but healthfully is like trying to do a calculus exam without a calculator. Impossible. "Cheap" and "healthy" cancel each other out.

I hate eating the processed food that I do. I know the calories aren't great quality. I've taken enough nutrition and science classes to know what's going on in those packages, and some things give me the heebie jeebies. And its not just "this could give me cancer someday". I need good calories so my body has quality fuel to run on and repair itself with, boost the immune system, the whole bit. Being a successful dancer for as long as possible means taking care of my body - sleeping enough, dancing smart, eating well... This really bugs me.

So what's the solution?? I can't exactly cut down to one meal a day so I can buy the good stuff... that would be anarchy from the beast within, and bad news for everyone around me. I guess for now I just have to ignore the lab-created bright yellow-orange of my mac'n'cheese and just swallow...

Week 1 Musings

Well, I got through Week 1 of the fall '08 semester in one (sore) piece. Since its been awhile since I last wrote, I figured I'd jot down some thoughts about the week and coming semester...

As expected, I was crazy sore by Friday. And bruised up. That's what happens when you only take ballet once a week during the summer, and then take the two weeks prior to school off completely. I think I'm going to enjoy my classes, albeit they will be challenging. That's a good thing, though - growth doesn't happen without a challenge. I'm taking this Pedagogy class which I'm both excited nervous for... essentially I'm learning how to construct and teach a basic ballet lesson, which is what makes me nervous. It may not seem too difficult at face value, but for one, I still consider myself a ballet novice, and second, my professor is all business. I think it's going to be my toughest class.

Besides classes, we had auditions for the fall senior dance concert. How it works is, three seniors collaborate to put together an entire dance concert as their senior thesis. It includes creating choreography, auditioning dancers, doing all the publicity, and figuring out the entire technical plan for the actual performances. And I have no doubt there's even more work than that. These concerts are a big deal and the seniors put a lot of work into them. I made it into the concert this semester!! I'm rather happy about this... auditioning last year was rough, which wasn't entirely surprising. It was my first year in the program, after all, plus I was recovering from surgery for a broken wrist. I got all kinds of discouraged last year that I would "never" make it into any piece, but lo and behold, I did this time. I'm very grateful for this!

I'm still figuring out my work schedule for this semester, too... I'm hoping (and kinda needing) to work 30 hours a week. I hope I'm not being too optimistic, in typical Jessi fashion, with this goal. In order to make ends meet, though, I need to make it happen. We'll see. I'm still shifting around my schedule and figuring out priorities, trying to find the "perfect" balance between school, work, my swing troupe, a social life, and the ever-elusive me-time. It's always a work in progress...

August 1st - A Bittersweet Day

Today marks the beginning of the dual end-of-summer countdown. One being the last month of summer is upon us (pouty face), making up the bitter half. The other being the countdown to the start of the new school year, which is the sweet half.

School is the sweet half, you cry out?! Yes, I know... Most students mourn the return of the school year, for their lazy summer days are officially over. Yes, this is true... although, since I work full time in the summer and have a tendency to fill up my free time pretty fast, summer's "laziness" is more a state of mind than reality. But I digress...

I like school and I always have. I enjoy learning and I've always been a school-lover. As a kid I would get so excited to go school shopping with my mom and brother for new supplies and clothes. I would make my brother sit with me, while I organized and re-organized my new gear, and "talk about school" - you know, friends, recess, teachers, our fave subjects. I loved the smell of new crayons and new pencils... god, it was great!

Things are a little different now, of course. I don't get to buy new outfits (hard to do living paycheck to paycheck with a college-student's budget) and the new crayons have been replaced by uber-expensive stuff like textbooks and ballet shoes. Regardless, I still get jazzed about the start of a new year. I like new beginnings and the change of seasons. It doesn't hurt that I love what I'm studying in school!

BUT, I still have a few summer things to do before I'm ready to trade my bikini for a leotard... I need to get to the pool a few more times. I need to hit the trails on my bike. I have more hiking to do. And camping, I still need to go camping! In just over a week, JBF and I will be leaving for our roadtrip vacation - Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, the Sand Dunes, the hot springs in Ouray - so plenty of hiking and camping will be had during our trip, thank god. I'm even going to try to squeeze in a 14er hike of Long's Peak.

So, once you're done reading this, get out there and play!

80's dancing is totally rad

My chums are pretty familiar with the 80's, "Molly Ringwald" dance that I do... Breakfast Club is what started it all for me. Pay particular attention at 0:22-0:27 :)



God, I love this movie!

I may jones for a New York minute...

... but when I see pictures of places like these, I can't help but think I live in the wrong part of the world.

I have fantasized for a long, long time that I will make the Mediterranean my home someday. Who knows? My family may someday receive Christmas cards postmarked from France, Italy, Greece...

I have the secret to making your dreams reality...

While driving home from the grocery store yesterday afternoon, my boyfriend (who will be known as JBF here on out, short for Jessi's BoyFriend) was telling me that he met a life coach while hiking with his friend earlier that day. I asked him to be more specific in regards to "life coach", as that can mean all sorts of things, and he told me that the life coach guy specializes in helping people find and pursue their passions. JBF thought this would interest me considering my own experience with going after my dreams. I joked that since I'm the walking example of Mr. Life Coach's work, I should go into business with him.

Mr. Life Coach: "... take my assistant Jessi, for example... at the age of 28, she decided to forego plans for nursing school, change her major to dance and begin a ballet-and-modern-dance education - with no previous technical training!" (Insert the oohs and ahhs of his future clients here.)

I then said to JBF that the advice I would give people would be short and sweet: just do it.

That sounds trite, but really, that's how its done. Planning and pondering and calculating too much about something prevents it from actually coming to fruition. I know that each of you knows exactly what I'm talking about. We all have things that we fantasize would happen, thinking "I wish" and "if only"... But when you think too much about something, you begin to hyperanalyze and then think up a thousand reasons "why it won't work". And once that happens, forget it, its not going to.

By nature I'm impulsive and impatient. This sometimes gets me into trouble, yes, and I have friends who like to remind me of this (just in case I might forget). Sure, not all my impulsive decisions were the greatest, BUT of the impulsive decisions I've made that I look back on were some of my best. And each one came from a place of what-the-hell-do-I-have-to-lose. This has applied to things small - ignoring the fact that I'm shopping for something else entirely but buy the shoes anyway - and large - such as pursuing a dance career in my late twenties.

So, I probably wouldn't make a very good life coach. Clients would expect there to be some profound, intricate secret to making their dreams come to life that will require months of searching to discover. But then I would have to burst their expectation bubbles with those three little words, and I really hate disappointing people. I would be fired and they would angrily demand refunds.

I'm sorry, but that's all there is to it. Thank you, have a nice day.

There is no such thing as half-empty in my world

You know, even though I'm at a slight disadvantage for starting ballet so late in life, I'm glad that I wasn't a bunhead at an early age. Really. I never had to add pressures to perform or maintain a certain physique to the already awkward preteen and teenage years. I may not have the best turnout, my feet might not point into a perfect little half-moon, nor am I the best pirouetter in the world, but I really, truly enjoy ballet.

I'm not implying that all dancers who started dancing at a young age dislike or hate ballet. But in the short time that I've been in ballet training I've occassionally come across angry, resentful ballerinas who are bitter towards ballet. Take my good friend, for instance. Recently she commented that taking class is pointless for her at this point, because she won't be doing anything with it. "What's the point?" she posed (um, maybe for the joy it brings? how dancing makes you feel empowered, happy, strong...?). She also told me she's disappointed in my choice to study dance, as there's no money it it. Um, thank you, I'm aware of that, and most dancers who are pursuing dance as a career are aware, too. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm not in this for the money.

That conversation makes me sad for her and anyone else who thinks similarly. Yes, there's a damn good guarantee that I will live paycheck-to-paycheck and that I will most likely have to work extra jobs to make ends meet, but that's how I've lived over the past 10 years and I know how to make it work. I'm not too worried about it. The conversation also makes me incredibly grateful that I didn't join the ballet world until I was 28 years old in that I'm able to be impervious to bitterness and other negative emotions that I don't want corrupting my sunshiney outlook.

This is why being 29 is a blessing in disguise. Some may consider my "advanced age" (I'm speaking in dance years, remember) a handicap as far as my future success in the dance world may go, but I think of it as being a li'l golden nugget my 18-, 19-, and 20-year-old peers aren't yet blessed with. I know what makes my heart and soul tick and this knowledge is what will bring me success because it gives me drive. I believe this is the "moxy" someone once told me I possess.

Glass-is-half-full, baby.

A little reality check never hurts

Class last night was great... it felt so good to be back. I'm definitely sore today, no surprise there, and I'm sure it will continue to get worse as the day goes on thanks to a little thing called "delayed onset muscle soreness" (or DOMS, for the fitness gurus out there). Class was definitely a little reality check as far as the importance of regular training... I've definitely lost some strength, flexibility and balance over the last six weeks. Again, no surprise, but physically being in class hit it home for me. I'm very glad I'm able to take class these three weeks... going back in the fall without any training would be bad.

Being back in class and starting a home conditioning program will help me get back in dance shape. Oh, and no more ice cream, except for special occasions... Ben & Jerry's has become more habit than a special treat lately, and that's gotta change. Rolls in the leotard are not okay.

Back to ballet!

I get to go to ballet tonight! I'm so glad... and nervous, of course. Logically I know it's a beginning adult class, so it's not like I'll be in class with principal dancers, but because I haven't done ballet for over a month and I feel all out of practice, I'm nervous. Sore muscles, here I come... :)