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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hamstrings and heartache

Healing and recovery is moving right along with the hammy. It's hella slow, but it is getting better a little each day.

I saw the PT on Tuesday morning and this is the latest scoop... the second dance concert of the semester is next week. Last week I was quite confident that my leg would be ready to start dancing, but my PT has other ideas. She told me that hamstring injuries take 4-6 weeks to heal, and that's only healing time. Rehabbing to get back to where I was pre-injury is after that. Next week is only Injury Week 4. So. No dancing for me yet.

Putting it in numbers helps me wrap my head around it and have a better idea what's going on when. Much better than where I was last week, when things were still up in the air and I couldn't tell anyone anything more than "I don't know" and "maybe" when they asked me when I'll start dancing and if I'll perform in the next concert. Having a time line to work within works much better for me. The PT gave me more exercises to start adding to my daily regimen, and I'm just plugging away at those.

I'm being patient out of necessity, but it's not easy. Because of an unexpected (read: unwelcome) change in my life, which I will get to in a minute, sitting around is getting even harder. And there is so much dance that I'm missing... ballet placement auditions for next year, Tour Dance Company auditions for next year, Tour performances (today is our last, *sigh*)... I have been attending rehearsals for the remaining concerts, taking notes and starting to "mark" the choreography (which means just walking through movement) to make sure I don't forget it. The PT thinks I will be good to go for the final concert of the semester, which will be Injury Week 6. Fingers crossed.

I've been putting off writing this next business all week... reading my last post, last weekend I was truly happy and had a renewed feeling of "life is good!" The weather is getting warmer, my leg is healing and I just felt good. The BF and I had fun weekend plans... the day in Denver together? Well, it didn't happen.

The BF and I broke up. I don't even know how the break-up conversation got started. As planned on Saturday night, we had dinner, watched a movie and then we started talking... and then 4 or 5 hours later, we were no longer.

(source: We Heart It)

What it boils down to is we are not on the same page emotionally. I have stronger feelings for him than he has for me, and he doesn't think its fair to me to continue in the relationship. It hurts like hell and I just can't wrap my head around this, but what do you say to that?? I mean, you can't make someone love you.

It was so unexpected. We were happy. Nothing was wrong. Neither of us did anything wrong. In a way, that makes it hurt worse. Everything was fine, we were happy! We care about each other, have feelings for each other... mine are just stronger.

Oh friends....



  1. Oh Jessi, I'm sorry to hear about (a) your hammie not being ready to dance on and (b) your heart being trounced upon a little. That's definitely not a good combination. I suppose it's good that you will be back to dancing pretty soon, but that probably doesn't help much.

    I still think you're awesome. Lemme know if I can do anything for you!

  2. I am so sorry. Heartbreak is so...well...heartbreaking. Its a really hard time and in the moment all you probably see and think are the whys and what ifs. Stay as strong as you can...because while its hard and confusing now, you'll look back at this time and see it was a learning/growing experience and you will be stronger and know yourself more because of it, in the long run. Not to sound cliche, but truly, everything does happen for a reason. Unfortunately only hindsight is 20/20. Head up. YOU are a dancer!! You are strong, graceful, and full of talents. Look within and smile at who you are.

    May your injury heel very soon and in the mean time....only positive much as you can ;)

  3. I am so so sorry about you and your boyfriend. Talk about blindsided! Wow. You have such a level head about it and I envy your maturity.

    About your hammie: Do you trust your PT? Does she work with dancers typically? If not you might want to find one that does.

  4. sorry to hear about all of this..
    i had a stress fracture last year and couldnt run so i know how you're feeling.. just hang in there girl!

  5. I am so so sorry. That's the last thing you needed. UGH. But it's his loss lady! You deserve to have someone be bonkers over you!

  6. Dude does not know what he is missing out on...... sorry... for both of you.


  7. She sounds pretty conservative. I mean, any doctor will tell you that complete rest will make it heal faster, which is true, but that also means that your other muscles get weaker. I wouldn't stop dancing completely but take class knowing what your limits are. No grand plies, penches, or grand battements on that side. And resist the urge to "test it" too early.

    That's what I learned about my body. It's good to keep your strength up without overdoing it.

  8. boo :(

    i'm sorry hun. break ups are never easy, even when it's you doing the breaking up.

    keep that chin up. things will be good again, with or without him


  9. That SUCKS :( I can never understand why when it rains it has to freaking pour...

    Something better is around the corner and you will find someone amazing that is worthy of you!!!!

    Stay strong xoxoxo


  10. hey just came along via hope chella and wanted to say hang in there.
    the right guy will care so much about you, you'll never have to question it.
    and hopefully the blog will provide a good outlet in the meantime.

  11. My darling Jessi!! I feel so bad for being a MIA bloggy friend, but I am back to my regular commenting sched ;-)

    I am sooo sorry to hear abt the break up BUT I have to say that you will find the one who loves you more than you can imagine - sweethearts like you deserve only the best! ps you can always count on MG about this subject lol!!

    heart you <3 Amy

  12. Uggh, my husband and I actually broke up not long after we first started dating and it was totally out of nowhere and it was SUCH a bummer so I know how you feel. However, we're very happy now and all of my other breakups lead to better relationships so I know the same will happen for you. I'm glad to hear your leg is getting better! Try to focus on dancing for now!

  13. Girl, you posted this a while ago but I'm just catching up on all the blogs I missed out on. Yours is one of them. So, needless to say I'm so incredibly sorry to hear this. So sorry. Words won't make up for anything, but consider yourself hugged. OK?! Yes. :)
    Something better is just waiting for you, preferably around the corner. It's what life is. Can't change it. Though still, I'm sure it hurts and there are questions all over but trust me, better things are waiting for you...just wait and see.

    Hugs to you, so you can smile again.