... dance, fitness, food, health, life...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

As it goes

Disclaimer: this is not the happiest of posts, which I apologize for. But I'm not the happiest of girls right now, either. So, I guess read along if you don't mind a sad post for today...

Sorry for going MIA last week... it was a long week. It's only been two weeks since the break-up, but it feels like it's been much, much longer. As it goes.

I can honestly say I'm doing okay considering. I had my moments and days last week when I was honestly doing okay, too. But at random moments, without warning, I come apart and the tears flow at their own will. As it goes.

There is no communication between me and the now ex-BF, at least for awhile. Time and space to heal is important. Maybe we can be friends down the road, I hope we can... only time will tell. As it goes.

When it rains, it definitely pours... last week a part of my tooth broke off, so I got to make an emergency visit to the dentist for a crown. Sans insurance, much anxiety and $900 later. As it goes.

My future is completely up in the air. I have some serious, big decisions to make in the next week or two. I'm out of money... I'm no longer eligible for student loans (because this is my second bachelor's and I used 'em for my first) and I qualify for so few scholarships and free aid (again, because this is my second bachelor's). I'm currently trying to pay off several, several grand from last semester's tuition, but I'm not making much headway, and I'm getting very (scarily) behind with all my other debts because of it. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'll be finishing my final two semesters. Things are grim. And the tears begin again... as it goes.

(Compliments of We Heart It)

A bit of silver lining... my hamstring is getting better and stronger a little each day. I'm dancing a little, and last Friday was my first day back to ballet class. I did basic, baby stuff, but it felt so good to move and be in my tights and leotards again. I can't believe I'm saying that (I have a love-hate with leos...). I'm also back to my Tae-Bo workouts, albeit modified to be gimp-style :)

The healing hammy is a good thing for sure, but I'm not sure how much it actually makes me feel better, knowing I might not be dancing and continuing my training here soon. Nothing is set it stone yet and there is still so much up in the air, but reality is reality and I have to accept it. But wow, does it suck sweaty leotards. Really.

As it goes.

(Oh, P.S... Thank you for all of your supportive comments to my last post... they truly meant so much to me... it's so crazy to feel loved by people I've never met before, and may never meet, but it's so heartwarming. I'm very grateful for each and every comment, thought and prayer...)



  1. I'm sorry for the tough time you're going through. I know words can't really make it better, but it won't always feel the way it does now. I promise. And it's good you can focus your energy on school and figuring out your next move. As someone who's recently turned her whole life around to do something different, I know that pressure feeling to make it all work. But there is nothing wrong with taking a year to work and catch up-- school will always be there. Take care of your financial (and emotional, because if you're anything like me they go hand-in-hand) security if that's what you need to do. Give yourself permission to take a different path than you'd planned in your mind.

  2. Oh dear I'm sorry to hear about the break-up & money issues. Big Cyber Hug to you. Time does help with break-ups but they are never ever easy. I hope you got some friends that you can chill with to get your mind off of things. I hear ya on the money issues, it seems everywhere you turn something costs more or even just have to pay for this & that. Tomorrow is a new day for your hammy to feel yet even more better & maybe you can dance more & feel better. Best wishes dear, it'll be okay.

  3. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I wish there was something to say that would really help, you know? It sucks, all of it, but I know you will get through it. Cause that's what we do, right? :) Lots of love to you!

  4. So sorry to hear that things are looking so grim. Health issues, debt, and a broken heart are not a good combination. You'll get through this... a person getting a second degree has the ability to overcome a lot. Kudos to you. Keep us posted.

  5. Have you looked into private loans sweets? I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for a solution for you!

  6. Uggh, when it rains, it does pour, but I really think you'll reach a turning point soon and things will be really REALLY good. As for the breakup, the less talk, the better - or at least that's been my experience. I hope things start to improve soon!

  7. Things will turn around for you because you are a good person...I understand being in debt and struggling to make ends meet...but a wise person said to me (because I worry all of the time about it!) that if more money could solve my problems, then my problems can't be that bad...and love will find you again and your physical injury will heal and it will probably all happen when you least expect it to!!!

    I'm rooting for you!!!
    Hope :-) xx

  8. oh lady...i'm so sorry. i totally know how that feeling goes, the when it rains it pours feeling.

    here's hoping for some sunshine after the stupid rain. hugs and beer mugs. xoxo.

  9. So glad to hear this girl. Ya know, baby steps are sometimes way better than big giant ones. :) And I know what you mean with the future being up in the air. Same here. It's a weird feeling, right? Yes. Plus, have you ever thought, like ten or even fifteen years ago that you might end up where you are today?! Just wondering. It's truly something.

    I'm happy for you and your tiny dance steps. Looking forward to hearing more about your "new" life, and all. And as I said, new things must be in store for you waiting somewhere...I keep my fingers crossed for you. Always. Know that.

    So, let the new you in, and embrace life as it comes along. The good and the bad. In the end it's all worth it. And yes, it's sounds so cliche but for some reason it's what keeps me going each day. I hope it does the same to you.


  10. "wham bam thank you ma'am is more my style"...TOUCHE!!!

    i'm the same way. about halfway thru the damn flea market i was speed walking to the end just so i could say i did.

  11. It was great to see you last week and give you a hug. Call me anytime, you are amazing!