Holiday blues

I wish I could echo what most of you lovelies have posted about your own Christmases, but I would be lying. And I'm not a good liar. The whole heart-on-my-sleeve thing? Oh, I've got it down to a science.

So, my Christmas was disappointing. I'm not talking presents or anything material... presents are always very minimal in my family, which is okay... a very tight budget is our reality, and you learn to live with it. And for me, that's not what it's all about anyway. It's about the heart and love and all that smarmy Christmas cheer, none of which was in abundance this year. Some family drama went down about a week prior to Christmas, setting the mood for everyone. I did try... I baked cookies, I cheerfully wrapped gifts, I listened to Christmas music and watched holiday movies... all of which put me in the Christmas spirit, but once I actually got to the fam's house, it all disappeared. I felt anxious and edgy until the moment I got back into my car and drove home.

Unfortunately, this was not the first Christmas like this. Each time it's happened, I tell myself that the next year I will just take myself to Mexico or Europe and have a holiday that I enjoy... but of course, the reality of me doing that is pretty slim. I mean, for me, Christmas should be spent with loved ones. That would be hard to accomplish if I'm somewhere else all alone. And, as each new holiday season approaches, I think that maybe it will turn out differently this time, that it will be happy and joyous and blah blah blah. And the cycle continues.

I feel bad about being so Scroogey, loves... that's why I didn't post sooner. Reading all your posts about your holidays made me feel guilty about being such a downer. I really wish I could say that my Christmas was full of good cheer... but like I said, I'm not good at lying. So, I'm glad Christmas is over. There, I said it. I feel better now.

I'm effing ready for the New Year. I'm ready to get back to dancing and eating normally. I'm ready to start new projects and get some shiz done! I've always loved New Years and the feeling of starting over. I get excited about making resolutions and goals. I love the anticipation of turning the calendar from December to January, the empty page wide open for so many new possibilities! So that's what I'm focusing on now... goals and resolutions are forming in my mind, ready to be put down on paper in just a few days.

AND, I'm going to go see Nine tonight with my friend K. The trailer gives me goosebumps, and a dancing friend who lives in LA (who got to see the preview with the cast back in October, the lucky dog!!) told me it's off the hook, so I'm crossing my fingers that I love it as much as I love Chicago... tonight, I will be Italian...

xoxo
J