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Sunday, October 25, 2009

I am the worst blogger of all time

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But seriously. I meant to write a post all about the Aspen adventures of last week, but other things distracted me this weekend... sleep, laundry, the BF, rehearsals, sleep... so, it's postponed yet another day. Sorry my loves.

So much is on my mind, though. SO. MUCH. So I'm thinking a brain-dump here on the ol' blog might behoove my quality of sleep tonight. Here goes...

Money is a nasty li'l beyotch that I'd love to punch square in the throat. I'm having some big money troubles, and had to call a family member to ask for help. I hate asking for money. HATE it with a fiery, burning passion. Especially because I'm 30 and should not have to call home for money. So lame. And humiliating. I also spent the day wracking my brain and scouring the apartment for stuff I can spare in the way of selling... camping stuff, rock climbing gear, my drawing table (that one kills me)... I've even gone so far as to considering selling my car. But I don't think that's really a good idea. I think that's the desperation talking.

I haven't been to hip hop class/rehearsal since, oh, sometime in late August or early September. Can't remember, it's been so long. And for anyone who knows me or who has been following me for awhile knows that my hip hop is my church. Why have I been foregoing Sunday night church? See above said money probs. My car is in need of major, hella expensive repairs that I'm nowhere near affording, and driving my Civic on the interstate would be playing a game of Russian roulette at 75 mph - I'd like to live to see 31, thankyouverymuch. Oh, and the car repairs are not what I had to call home asking for money for... the car is #2 on the big-ticket list. SIGH. So yeah, not happy about my absence in hip hop-alicious.

Student Dance Concert is this week! Tech rehearsals tomorrow night, dress rehearsal Wednesday night, then show time Thursday and Friday. Thank god it's almost over. I've struggled with this one... struggled with choreography (remember the case of the missing dance mojo?? Yeah, it never really fully showed back up...), struggled with time, struggled with being happy with what I have to present to the masses come Thursday, worried about if my friends and fam will like it... or rather, worried that they'll just think it sucks. Oh, the life of a perfectionist!

Not sure why, but today I really started jonesin' for a New York minute. The BF and I were talking about life in general last night, and I suddenly remembered that I almost moved to NYC back in 2003 (or was it 2004?). I had forgotten all about that. Wow, what the hell would I be doing now if I was kickin' it in the Big Apple?? Probably trying to be a writer of sorts (that's my first degree, btw). It's kinda fun to think about, but also kinda sad because I chose not to go for a guy I met around that time, and we're clearly not together anymore. Not the first or last time I changed or neglected my own life plans for a guy... and clearly that's worked out so well for me... but I digress. A couple weeks ago the BF and I were talking about winter break plans, and a short trip to NYC came up... I've always wanted to see New York around Christmas and/or New Years, and he's never been there. And since he and I didn't get to go on our li'l weekend excursion, we thought, let's save our money and make NYC happen! How much fun would that be?!? Great idea... until above said money probs decided to be a little beyotch and rain on my parade.

[Doc? May I have a prescription for this??]

So. Hopefully my pissy 'tude doesn't scare you all off, and hopefully this stress-mind-dump will help ensure that I will pass out into blissful slumber with no problems. Wish me luck.


  1. Hang in there girl! I'm absolutely not scared off... in fact my situation may even call for me to ask for help though I'm completely and utterly embarrassed at the thought of it so I feel completely obligated to tell you what I've needed to be told in times where I'd take the whole bottle of Fukitol: Everything is going to be ok.

    Take care yo!!!

  2. You're going to be just fine, lady! We all have these moments but you are so strong and have done so freaking much it's amazing!!!

    I need some fukitol! XO

  3. Sign me up for a presecription, please. I love how, with me and my friends, too, NYC becomes the embodiment of the "grass is always greener". We all seem to tool around with the idea when money/job/relationships don't seem to be panning out. Maybe it truly is the paradise that will right the wrongs.... or break me :-(